Even Ronaldo makes mistakes... this t-shirt for example.

For those of you that didn’t fancy wasting £15 on a football bloopers DVD (or VHS if you’re old school) last Christmas, never fear, the Transfer Tavern’s got your back. Rather than listening to Ian Wright make a lot of bad jokes at the expense of players playing in the Vauxhall Conference, here’s a selection of the Premier League’s ‘big four’ getting it all wrong in the 21st Century, playing in the world’s best league…

1. Lauren

Manchester City v Arsenal

Where was Lauren running to? Nice finish mate.

2. Abou Diaby

Manchester United v Arsenal

Arsenal boss the game at Old Trafford, and with the score at 1-1, Diaby pops up with the winner…

3. Pepe Reina

Sunderland v Liverpool

The beach ball has shown more commitment than half of Sunderland’s squad this season.

4. Thierry Henry and Robert Pires

Arsenal v Manchester City

Good old life! Bobby and Thierry were brought down a peg or two after their inflated ego’s led to an unconventional approach to penalty taking.

5. Ballack and drogba

Liverpool v Chelsea

Ballack and Drogba perform a training ground set-piece.

Ok that’s Arsenal, Liverpool, and Chelsea. Who’s missing? Ah yes. Step up former United Starlet Cristiano Ronaldo…

6. Ronaldo Part 1.

This must not have been the season Ronaldo scored 42 goals.

Ronaldo part 2

What does £80 buy?

You see! Even the ‘big four’ can get it wrong….

You can find me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/mark0turner

Whilst ultimately it was a certain Jimmy Greaves who would go down as Tottenham’s greatest ever goal scorer and striker, it was Les Allen that partnered Bobby Smith in Tottenham’s infamous double winning side of 1960-61.

Allen was born in Dagenham, and like Jimmy Greaves and a whole host of other East End boys, actually begun his professional playing career at Chelsea, where at 17, he joined the club as an amateur in 1954. At the time Allen was still an apprentice at Ford’s Dagenham works, and it was whilst playing for his local side Brigg Sports, that Chelsea spotted 16 year old Allen.

Allen went on to make 44 appearances for Chelsea, scoring 11 goals. However, it was at White Hart Lane that Allen would become a legend, and in the 1959/60 season, Bill Nicholson paid Chelsea £20,000 plus the erratic Johnny Brooks for Chelsea’s 21 year old youngster. The move was seen as slightly surprising, considering Brooks had scored 51 League and Cup goals for Spurs in 179 appearances over six years, and Allen was simply viewed as another promising Chelsea youngster. Further, at the time, there was a trend of highly rated Chelsea youth team players looking like world beaters, but ultimately coming to nothing.

Allen was described by fellow players as a shy-unassuming character, and often suffered from a loss of confidence in his own ability. However, during the 1960/61 season, Allen was on fire. He scored 22 goals in the league and played in all 42 matches, whilst also netting 4 goals in the FA Cup, forming a lethal strike force alongside Bobby Smith and Terry Dyson.

Whilst Tottenham’s success in the 1960s is associated with legendary figures such as Dave Mackay, Danny Blanchflower and Jimmy Greaves, Allen is an unsung hero at Spurs. He never recaptured his form from the 1960/61 season, and was not involved in the Tottenham side that won the FA Cup in 1961/62 or the European Cup Winners Cup winning team of 1962/63. However, in Allen’s defence, it took Tottenham’s greatest ever goal scorer, Jimmy Greaves, to replace Allen, and his heroics in the Double winning season render Allen a Tottenham legend.

Allen was a stocky centre forward, but despite his physique he had a good burst of pace, and was renowned for cutting inside his marker and using his skill to make diagonal runs through opposition defences to score. Further, Allen possessed was a grafter, and would us the ball intelligently to set up goals for his strike partner Bobby Smith by breaking to the near post and cutting the ball back.

With the signing of Alan Gilzean in December 1964, Allen lost his place in the Tottenham side permenantly, and so signed for QPR in the summer of 1965 for £21,000 and was QPR’s record purchase. Allen played in the side with Rodney Marsh, and became a fans favourite at the club, exuding a confidence that at times escaped him while he was at Tottenham.

Allen hung up his boots in 1969 with QPR, and after spells managing at QPR (1968-71) and Swindon (1972-74), Allen retired from the game. Today Allen, 72, is now a model manufacturer and with his wife splits his time between Hornchurch in Essex, and the quiet village of Souni in Cyprus.

Les Allen is also father of former Tottenham striker, and current coach Clive Allen, who in the 1986/87 season scored a record 49 goals for Spurs in one season. Allen’s other son Bradley meanwhile played for both QPR and Charlton Athletic. Allen’s two nephews Martin and (former Tottenham player) Paul Allen also played professional football, whilst Allen’s Grandson Oliver (son of Clive) carried on the tradition also, and currently plays for Stevenage Borough.

Allen may not be one of the better known names from Tottenham’s glory days in the the 1960s, but he was instrumental in the clubs double winning team in 1960/61. Allen deserves his place in the Tottenham Hotspur Hall of Fame, and is a true legend of the club.

Tottenham author Norman Giller is busy preparing his next book which will focus on the Double winning side, have your memories captured and contact him by email by clicking on the box above.

You can find me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/mark0turner

Champions League duals are oft remembered for the tactical and psychological battle between rival managers. Think Mourinho V Benitez, Mourinho Ancelotti or basically any other big game ‘the special one’ has managed in.

In the Champions League, Manchester United’s Sir Alex Ferguson takes on Leonardo Nascimento de Araújo, or simply Leonardo, in the last sixteen. Ferguson of course has about 24 years of experience managing one of the world’s biggest clubs, but as a player Leonardo’s experience is second to none, winning titles in Italy, Brazil and Japan, as well as the World Cup in 1994. With this in mind, lets pit the cultured Brazilian and grumpy Scott together and see who comes out in a battle of managerial wits.

Tactics

Strangely enough, Alex Ferguson and Leonardo are few managers in the Champions League that play an open, attacking brand of football. In a world of tactical games of chess (as often described on ITV and Sky Sports), both managers brand of football is more conducive to a good football match than Rafael Benitez or Jose Mourinho for example. You’d only have to look at the first tie between United and AC Milan at the San Siro in February this year to see that.

Ferguson

Ferguson has always appeared to prefer a 4-4-2 formation, although with Carlos Queiroz as his assistant manager, Ferguson became partial to a 4-3-3 formation, with Ronaldo, Rooney, Tevez, Saha and Berbatov among others rotating the attacking positions in recent years.

In the past, Ferguson’s tactics in Europe have at times been questioned, with Ferguson himself in an interview with David Frost, admitting his one regret at United is not winning more Champions League titles.

Leonardo

At AC Milan, Leonardo has impressed, despite the Italian media suggesting the Brazilian should soon be given his P45 by Adriano Galliani after a poor start. AC Milan is still perceived to be an ageing team that is in need of an overhaul, and yet to his credit, Leonardo has turned the team around. AC Milan secured impressive wins over Real Madrid, Roma and Juventus in Serie A this season, and his side are now just four points off Internazionale at the top of the table.

Leonardo has found his feet in Serie A with the application of a 4-2-1-3 tactic, which has also been labeled also “4-2-fantasy” by Galliani. The tactic is very daring for Serie A, and is structured around attacking talent such as Ronaldinho, Pirlo, Seedorf and Pato et al. The strategy is risky, especially for Serie A, but the passing, possession football, full of overlapping defenders and movement off the ball, has compensated for Milan’s lack of pace and contributed to Milan’s resurgence. Kudos to Leonardo then.

Experience

Ferguson

What can you say about the great man? Sir Alex Ferguson has won it all in Scotland, and in England several times over, whilst in Europe, Ferguson has won the Champions League and European Cup Winners Cup, as well World and Intercontinental titles. In fact, when Ferguson began managing his first club in 1974 (East Stirlingshire), Leonardo was just 6 years old.

Despite all that Ferguson has won with United however, one of Ferguson’s finer moments came whilst at Aberdeen, where he shattered the Celtic-Rangers “Old Firm” monopoly, winning three championships, four Scottish Cups and the European Cup Winners’ Cup in six years.

Leonardo

Leonardo has only been in management months, not years, and so cannot hope to compete with Ferguson for experience. However, after retiring as a player, Leonardo continued his career at AC Milan as a scout/agent for the club in Brazil, and showed his ability to land top talent after convincing both Kaka and Alexandre Pato to join the club. Not bad.

Before taking over from Carlo Ancelotti, Leonardo was technical director at Milan in 2008, and so he was slowly groomed behind the scenes for management. However, in 2006, Leonardo received a football education BBC style, covering the World Cup in Germany for Match of the Day with Alan Hansen and Gary Lineker. Ferguson refuses to talk to the BBC after a certain Panorama program, and so Leonardo has a distinct advantage over Fergie. Hansen will no doubt have left Leonardo with pearls such as ‘you’ll never win anything with kids’ and what constitutes ‘awful defending’.

Playing Career

Ferguson

As a player Ferguson’s career peaked whilst playing for Glasgow Rangers. Ferguson scored 25 goals in 41 appearances, but his career at the club ended after a 4-0 defeat to Celtic in the Scottish Cup Final. Ferguson was accused of poor marking from a corner, and ended up spending just two seasons as the club between 1967-69.

Fergusons two major honours as a player came in what is now the Scottish First Division, formerly the Scottish Second Division, winning the titles in 1962/63 with St. Johnstone, and 1969/70 with Falkirk.

Leonardo

Leonardo’s career is slightly more distinguished. He won Brazilian Série A and cup titles with Flamengo and São Paulo in Brazil, the J. League Division 1 in Japan with the Kashima Antlers, an Italian Serie A title and Italian Cup with AC Milan, and an assortment of World and Intercontinental cup tournaments at club level. However, with Brazil, Copa America and Confederation Cup victories followed the biggest prize of them all for Leonardo-the World Cup in 1994.

The result…

Leonardo and Ferguson could not be further away in terms of playing and managerial experience, with Ferguson’s illustrious managerial career matching Leonardo’s equally glittering playing career. However, both managers employ attacking formations, playing open and expansive football. Who knows, in twenty years Leonardo might be just as decorated as his Scottish rival. However, the Brazilian has a long way to go yet….

Brian Laws and Tony Pulis meet at Turf Moor tomorrow night in what has become a must win game for Burnley. Whilst Tony Pulis has all but secured Premier League survival for a second successive season, Brian Laws’ Burnley is a club in freefall.

The Clarets have lost their last four Premier League matches, and Laws has not enjoyed a win at Burnley in over a month. However, whilst Burnley and Stoke are enjoying diverging fortunes in the Premier League, Laws and Pulis do in fact share a common ground. As Harry Redknapp pointed out earlier in the week, as English managers, Laws and Pulis are a dying breed. So let’s scour their managerial records, and decide who comes out on top when the pair go head to head…

Promotions

Laws: At Scunthorpe United Laws achieved promotion twice, taking Scunthorpe out of the fourth tier of football (formerly Division Three, now Coca Cola League Two) in 1998/99 and 2004/05 respectively.

Pulis: In 1995/96 Pulis took Gillingham out of Division Three (now Coca Cola League Two), turning a team that was floundering at the bottom of Division Three to the brink of Division One, only to lose to Manchester City in the Play-Off final at Wembley in 1999. However, taking Stoke City to the Premier League in the 2007/08 season is his biggest achievement to date.

That round has to go to Pulis. It’s 2-2 on promotions, but getting Stoke to the Premier League has tipped the scales in Pulis’ favour.

Sackings

Laws: Brian has been sacked twice in his 16 year career as a manager. The first axe fell whilst he was in charge at Grimsby Town in the 1996/97 season, the second coming whilst he was at Scunthorpe in March 2004, although he was reinstated soon after. He agreed to leave Sheffield Wednesday by ‘mutual consent’, in December 2009, but in essence he was again sacked with the club languishing at the bottom of the table.

Pulis: Tony first sacking came in 1999 whilst he was working for Gillingham amidst claims of gross misconduct, although whether he walked or was pushed is a matter of contention. His second sacking came at Portsmouth after just ten months in charge, with Milan Mandric upset his side were not on course for promotion in October 2000. Pulis completed his hat-trick of sackings on 28 June 2005 during his first tenure as Stoke City boss. He was sacked for “failing to exploit the foreign transfer market” by then Stoke City chairman Gislason, despite saving the club from relegation to football’s third tier in the 2002/03 season.

Sorry Tony, but Brian wins on the sackings front. Despite three sackings a piece, technically Laws left Sheffield Wednesday on ‘mutual consent’ and so just shades it on a technicality…

Relegations

Laws: After guiding Scunthorpe to Division Two in 1998/99, The Irons got relegated straight back down to Division Three the following season. This season, it would take a miracle to keep Burnley up, but at present, it’s just the one relegation.

Pulis: Pulis has never suffered relegation as a manager, and doesn’t look like blighting that record any time soon, with Stoke looking comfortable in the Premier League.

Pulis wins hands down, and so tips the balance 2-1 in his favour overall.

Controversies

Laws: Brian started really well in this capacity. Whilst at Grimsby Town, Laws fell out with Ivano Bonetti, reportedly throwing a plate of chicken wings at the Italian following a 3–2 defeat at Luton Town in February 1996. Then at Scunthorpe, amidst a power struggle at Glanford Park, Laws was sacked by the board, only to be reinstated three weeks later by Chairman Steve Wharton, who had masterminded a coup akin to ‘night of the long knives’ behind the scenes. However, despite a good start, he has tailed off, and controversy appears to have escaped him since. How boring!

Pulis: Right, I’ll have to try and narrow down this section. Whilst at Gillingham, Pulis was accused by then chairman Paul Scally of blackmail. Unless Pulis was paid the £200,000 he believed he was owed, he would release confidential club documents that showed financial irregularities. Pulis left the club in 1999, but the court case rumbled on…

After Gillingham, Pulis moved straight on to Bristol City. Pulis had enjoyed two spells with City’s arch rivals Bristol Rovers during his playing career and lasted just months in the job. After taking over at Portsmouth, he was quoted as saying “it felt good to bring a team back wearing blue“, blue being the colour of City’s rivals Rovers.

During his first stint at Stoke City, Pulis was sacked for ‘failing to exploit the foreign transfer market’. However, more recently, controversy reared it’s beautiful head with Pulis and James Beattie coming to blows at the Emirates Stadium. Apparently Beattie objected to Pulis’s decision to cancel the Christmas Party after Stoke lost to Arsenal 2-0. Apparently, Pulis only backed down after the club’s masseur dragged Pulis away from his player. Nice.

No competition. Pulis wins this round hands down…

Winner

Nice cap Tony

Well, there’s only one winner. Take a bow Mr. Pulis, you are clearly the better manager, with a comfortable 3-1 victory over Brian Laws. Brian, you’re lack of controversial incidents really let you down. It would therefore be nice if Wednesday night, you hold a team talk on the pitch at Turf Moor, or punch out Chris Eagles in the dressing room after the match. Come on, Brian, it’s for your career…

You can find me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/mark0turner

David Byrne, Chairman of the Intermarket Group.

It appears that a new saviour is ready to lead Portsmouth to financial salvation, with the Intermarket Group apparently willing to take over the club and it’s £70m plus debt.

The Intermarket group is a Canary Wharf-based financial analysis company, and so, should the group takeover at Pompey, fans will find transport links to the group’s offices very convenient when they wish to stage their next protest. Canary Wharf is accessible on both the DLR and Jubilee line.

It is easy to be cynical with regard to prospective new owners in football these days, with the words ‘Arab based consortium’ often met months later with ‘administration’ or ‘winding-up order’. With regard to the Intermarket Group, which has already tried and failed to take over both West Ham and Notts County, it’s probably best that Portsmouth fans remain sceptical.

In October 2009, it became apparent that West Ham’s Icelandic owner Straumer needed to sell the club. Jim Bowe, a former New York City trader on Wall Street, and then Chief Executive of Intermarket, was very vocal about the group’s intention to make a £100m bid for the club. At the time, the Guardian suggested that this was simply a publicity stunt to gain notoriety for the company. In October Intermarket was only 18 months old, and it’s principle shareholders, David Bryne and Iain Mortley, had set the company up with just £1000 each in share capital. A bid of £100m for a football club would have been priceless PR for the group. However, Straumer suggested the group’s efforts to sign the club would come to nothing, and as it turned out, proof of funds were never forthcoming.

In early February this year, after losing out on the Hammers to Sullivan and Gold, Intermarket were attempting to sign a second English club. Before Ray Trew bought Notts County, it was believed that the Intermarket Group were ready to bid for the club, clearing it’s £4m debt and £600,000 tax bill. Further Intermarket were said to be willing to invest round £25m in the club, building a new stadium and a casino in the process. However, the money never materialised, and Sven-Goran Eriksson left the club after the multi-million failed, and Ray Trew stepped in.

Intermarket Chairman David Bryne explained to the Guardian why the deals never came off:

“If it was not for our chief executive, Jim Bowe, dying, we would have done the deal with West Ham. And my partner offered a £500,000 non-refundable cheque to [Notts' then chairman] Peter Trembling to give us a week to do the deal. Sven Goran Eriksson was really keen but unfortunately Peter went and did the deal with Trew.”

David Byrne is now thought to be approaching Portsmouth with a view to take over the club, and hopes to make it third time lucky. Upon questioning however, Byrne stated:

“I can neither confirm it nor deny it.”

Portsmouth administrator Andrew Andronikou however refused to comment on any interest from Intermarket, simply stating to the Guardian that:

“Until I’m shown proof of funds and I’m happy with the calibre of the individuals no one will come into the club.”

Wow. What a novel idea. It’s a shame he wasn’t around the South Coast area last year…

You can find me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/mark0turner

Good old Peter Shilton, we could do with him now ‘wot wiv those fools simply masquerading as goalkeepers today. However, Peter Leslie Shilton is long retired, and is known today as an after dinner speaker, and a prolific one at that if his personal website is anything to go by.

However, back in the day, the guy was one of the world’s top goalkeepers, and enjoyed a career in the game that spanned over 31 years. However, after football Shilton’s career is less glittering, with failed management attempts and gambling addiction staining the reputation of England’s most capped player…

Shilton’s league career began with Leicester City, where he spent just eight years at the club, amassing 286 appearances and winning the Football League Second Division in 1970-71. However, it was with Nottingham Forest that Shilton earned his greatest prizes in football. Between Shilton won the First Division in 1977-78, the League Cup in 1979, the European Cup in two successive seasons in 1978-79 and 1979/80 and the European Super Cup in 1979. The only tournament Shilton never won was the FA Cup, despite coming close in 1969 with Leicester City.

At Forest Shilton made 202 league appearances, and this is where he enjoyed his most fruitful spell as a player. However, Shilton nearly won the first Division again with Southampton in 1983/84, as his career after Nottingham Forest continued. In fact, after representing Leicester City, Stoke City and Nottingham Forest, Shilton went on to play for the play 188 times for Southampton, 175 times for Derby County, 34 times for Plymouth Argyle, once for Bolton Wanderers and nine times for Leighton Orient. That is not to mention Wimbledon, Coventry and West Ham, who all signed Shilton up and named him as a substitute at one point.

In total, Shilton played 1,005 league matches, which remains a record to this day. After starting his career in 1965-66 with Leicester City, when The Beatles were still yet to release Sgt. Peppers and grow beards, Shilton’s career would span 31 years, ending with Leighton Orient in 1996/97, where the Spice Girls were considered Britain’s greatest musical export. However, whilst Shilton is a legend of the Football League, he is also acclaimed as one of England’s finest ever goalkeepers.

Shilton was capped by England a record 125 times, and is still ten caps ahead of a certain Armani underwear model. Shilton unfortunately never won anything with England, but was involved in some of England’s most famous moments. English collective memory will recall the famous goalkeeping display of Jan Tomaszewski as England failed to qualify for the 1974 World Cup after a 1-1 draw with Poland, the ‘Hand of God’ at the 1986 World Cup, and the 1990 World Cup penalty shoot-out defeat to West Germany. What they might not realize however, is that Shilton was England’s goalkeeper in all three of those occasions.

However, post football, Shilton has had his demons. Despite a relatively successful stint as manager of Plymouth Argyle, Shilton suffered with an addiction to gambling, ultimately costing him his job and a valued friend. McGovern. Shilton’s weakness for a flutter, and some unwise business ventures in property and horseflesh, rendered Shilton bankrupt. This led to the demise of his relationship with his former Nottingham Forest colleague and then assistant manager at Plymouth John McGovern, who had led Shilton £7000.

Today Shilton has resurrected his ailing finances, and has overcome his afflictions. The 61 year old has however, probably given up hope of management despite believing he still has unfinished business in the game after his sacking from Plymouth for a non-football reason. Shilton has been awarded with an OBE, and was made an Inaugural Inductee of the English Football Hall of Fame in 2002.

Today an after dinner speaker, Peter Shilton is a true legend of not just English, but world football.

You can find me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/mark0turner

Good old YouTube. If you can see past all the teenagers uploading Justin Timberlake collages, there’s some entertaining stuff out there. So in homage to the Tube, here are five of the worst goals available the internet has to offer.

Rather than just re-posting Manchester United’s Massimo Taibi or Aston Villa’s Peter Enckelman letting the ball squirm through their legs however, below are a few more ‘alternative’ bloopers for you to enjoy.

(If you are a teenage Justin Timberlake fan by the way, I apologise).

1) I don’t know what league this is from, or who these teams are, but this is priceless goalkeeping. Where does the goalkeeper think the ball had disappeared to after he performs the drag back? Hillarious.

watch?v=_idY6Vuzr0k&feature=related

2) This own goal by Chris Brass is another highly entertaining incident. Brass was playing for Bury against Darlington when he attempted this overhead clearance which ended up nearly breaking his nose.

Even Ronaldo couldn’t do this, and I’m talking about the real trans-gender loving Ronaldo, not the Portuguese pretender. Seriously Chris, next time, just put it out for a corner son.

watch?v=Ds0wEBKuxv8

3) The next goal scored takes us to Hungary, where Debreceni VSC faced FC Fehérvár. Debreceni have a penalty to make the score 3-1, but the keeper saves… only for a FC Fehérvár defender to execute one of the worst clrarances you’re likely to see.

watch?v=G13zqBMQZQI&NR=1

4) Franck Quedrue may be known for his no-nonsense defending at Middlesbrough, Fulham and Birmingham City, but this own goal he scored whilst playing for Lens against Bastia is a right load of codswallop. The best part is when he starts moaning straight after as if to say ‘it wasn’t my blooming fault’, but in French.

watch?v=-Gkm-DOfYcu

5. Right, let’s go back to the Hungarian league. I tell you what, Hungarian football’s not what it used to be. Újpest take on Dunaújváros FC in a game I’m sure you all remember well. With the score 1-1, an Újpest defender can clearly not cope with the pressure, and so decides the best course of action is to smack the ball into his own goal to relieve the pressure. Good defending mate. Well done.

watch?v=YEFrax5k5Qs&feature=related

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Tottenham Hotspur’s Peter Crouch, struck twice against Egypt on Wednesday to secure his position as England’s most lethal striker-when it comes to a friendly match. Crouch’s overall record reads 20 goals scored in 37 games, which is just about better than a goal every other game.

However, whilst Crouch has proven he is able to score goals at international level, is he the answer to England’s forward line in South Africa?

His Premier League goal scoring record, coupled with his international strike rate against top opposition suggests not.

Against top opposition, Crouch’s statistics for England make poor reading. Crouch has started or been involved in matches against Argentina, Uruguay, Portugal, Spain, Croatia, Brazil, Germany, Russia, France and the USA, and has managed just two goals. One came against Croatia in a 3-2 defeat at Wembley, and the other against Uruguay in a 2-1 friendly win at Anfield in 2006.

In fairness to Crouch, he was not involved from the start in the majority of these matches. However, considering that Crouch has played against many of these nations twice, it is noteworthy that he has scored so little. Even if Crouch is seen as an impact substitute for example, his impact against the top countries has actually been minimal. Only against Croatia was Crouch’s impact noteworthy, where his goal and contribution appeared to temporarily rock the Croats, as Beckham aimed his crosses at the big man on a sixpence.

The fact remains, the majority of Crouch’s goals have come against minnows. Whilst Egypt were a busy team, and have won the African Cup of Nations on the spin three tournaments in a row, they are not top opposition. However, these are the teams that Crouch seems to score against. Of Crouch’s 20 international goals, 10 have come in friendly fixtures, and only six of his goals have come against teams in the top twenty of the FIFA World Rankings (Uruguay (1), Greece (2) Croatia (1) and Egypt (2)). His only competitive goal against a team in the top twenty remains the goal he scored against Croatia in Steve McClaren’s last match.

The problem that may occur in the World Cup then, is that against top opposition if Crouch isn’t scoring, as he has failed to do thus far in his England career, what does he bring? His height is useful from set-pieces, but you cannot rely on set pieces to win a World Cup. Further, with Beckham no longer first choice, the deliver from wide areas will not be quality. Gerrard will drift in from the left, whilst Lennon, Wright-Phillips and Walcott can hardly be counted upon to deliver the desired service to Crouch’s head.

Crouch’s second flaw is his inability to provide space for Rooney and Gerrard. Whilst Emile Heskey’s scoring record is pretty woeful, his ability to work the channels and occupy a defence single-handed, provides time and space for Gerrard and Rooney to flourish. Whilst people criticise Heskey for his failure to score goals, Crouch’s record against the top teams is not significantly better. For example, neither are particularly prolific in the Premier Leage. Crouch’s highest return for example, came in the 2004/05 season with Southampton, where he netted twelve times.

Should Crouch be selected for South Africa, he will no doubt offer Capello and the England players a different option. Even the best defences will struggle to deal with the player’s height and physique. However, England’s long ball days are over, and nobody wants to see the ball hit long to Crouch in the summer. Hopefully under Capello, England will endeavour to keep the ball, and so at best, Crouch should be a last resort.

Whilst Crouch cannot hope to be England’s first choice striker this summer, the player has a decent shot at making the squad. Furthermore, whilst he continues to score goals, whom ever they come against, Crouch will never be far from Capello’s thoughts.

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Wenger’s moral crusade in football has undoubtedly become one of this season’s biggest talking points.

The Arsenal supremo has called Manchester United “anti-football”, Aston Villa a “long-ball” team and Chelsea “dull”. In Wenger’s eyes, Arsenal’s approach to football, regardless of results, renders the club superior.

Whilst Wenger’s appreciation of the beautiful game is admirable, at times it is irritating to listen to the Frenchman in post match interviews. After being resoundingly beaten by the likes of Chelsea and Manchester United, but still insisting his team were better, Wenger’s words are at times a waste of breathe. Wenger cannot honestly believe Arsenal were better in such circumstances, and his eccentric answers appear to reflect the extent of the Frenchman’s frustrations. For example, Wenger told the Times:

“You have to congratulate Chelsea but we didn’t get a demonstration of football… We had 70 per cent possession of the ball. We were not running after the ball. They [Chelsea] did not dominate.”

This comment was Wenger’s analysis of the match between Chelsea and Arsenal in February where, once they took the lead, Chelsea have seldom looked more comfortable. Wenger’s post-game analysis following a defeat are therefore often reminiscent of the ‘I didn’t’ see it’ defence Wenger would deploy following a contentious decision in favour of his team (think Robert Pires against Portsmouth at Highbury).

Wenger is using his team’s ‘superior’ morality in terms of footballing philosophy and finance to deflect attention away from his teams own shortcomings, which is infuriating when it is clear that Arsenal have the ability to challenge at the top of the table. Arsenal are just three points off the top spot going into March, and so, rather than providing his players with excuses, perhaps it is time Wenger exerted pressure on his players, instead of trying to defend them a la ‘I didn’t see it’.

Following resounding defeats to Chelsea and Manchester United, Wenger should have been honest enough to come out and criticise some of his players, rather than allowing them to hide behind morality. Players such as Clichy, Sagna and Walcott, who were all poor against Chelsea for instance, can and should have done better against top opposition. It would be refreshing to see Wenger demand more from these players, instead of reverting to their age, and his clubs attempt to play football the ‘right way’ as readymade excuses.

Arsenal announced pre-tax profits of £35.2m for the six months ending 30 November 2009, whilst the Highbury Square Project and player sales have further assisted Arsenal Holdings plc in cutting the total net debt from £332.8m to 203.6m. Arsenal will be debt free within the foreseeable future, and Wenger will then be free to add to his squad in a similar vein to Chelsea, Manchester City and Manchester United. This is perhaps a more realistic criticism that can be levelled at Chelsea for example. Abramovich has to a certain extent bought success, and Wenger can understandably be bitter about this when his club is striving to compete with a sound financial plan and hard work.

However, with Arsenal’s debt free future now firmly on the horizon, Wenger will soon have the money he needs to compete financially with the league’s elite. When this comes to pass, Wenger will no longer be able to hide behind morality if the club’s trophy cabinet continues to gather dust. However, if Wenger starts galvanising his talented pool of players, rather than gibbering on about possession and passing, the five year wait for a trophy might yet be at an end…

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According to the institution that is Nuts Magazine, Tottenham Hotspur footballers have the sexiest wags in the Premier League. The likes of Peter Crouch’s Abigail Clancy, Jamie O’Hara’s Danielle Lloyd and Jermaine Defoe’s Danielle Lloyd (see what I did there?) are all household names with football fans and men’s magazine readers alike.

However, there are some wags out there that, for some unknown reason, don’t want to get all nice and naked in Nuts, Zoo or the News of the World. Even more infuriating is when these ladies think they’re too good for a quick double page spread in Hello!, OK! and other magazines with exclamation marks after the name. This is the case unfortunately with David Bentley’s girlfriend/fiancé Kimberly Mills.

Mills and Tottenham Boo Boy fave Bentley are reported to be engaged, but even this cannot be confirmed, as unlike Jermaine Jenas and his fiancé, they didn’t even have the courtesy to announce their engagement in an exclusive interview with a gossip magazine.

However, it is reported that Bentley and Mills have been together for about 9 years, and got together when the England and Tottenham midfielder was still at Arsenal.

Mills is in the back row, second in from the right

Mills is a hairdresser, and other than a brief appearance in Nuts TV’s Real Footballer’s Wives, Mills has shunned the limelight and seems determined to lead a relatively normal life.

On the Real Footballer’s Wives show, Mills revealed that when Bentley was at Blackburn, she only heard chants about Bentley’s hair or clothes, and that it was never anything too severe… It’s a good thing Bentley shaved off the bum-fluff that was threatening to take over his face a few weeks ago then.

Bentley admitted in 2008 to having a gambling addiction, and credits Mills as one of the main protagonists behind his decision to kick the addiction and seek help:

“You get addicted to the whole thing. Picking a winner, hoping to have a winner and placing a bet. It started out as a day at the races and it got out of hand. I sat down with my girlfriend to talk about it and she said I had to stop. It was the hardest thing ever.”

Despite Kimberly’s low profile, in 2007 she was ranked 23rd in the 100 sexiest wags in football, and to be fair, she is rather lovely. Well done David.

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