The latest Premiership, Championship, European and International football transfer rumours. All the news and views that are fit to print plus some fairly spurious fun stuff
Good afternoon, and welcome to a packed Olympic stadium, München…
Archimedes out to Socrates, Socrates back to Archimedes, Archimedes out to Heraclitus, he beats Hegel [who, like all the Germans, is still thinking] . Heraclitus a little flick, here he comes on the far post, Socrates is there, Socrates heads it in! Socrates has scored! The Greeks are going mad, the Greeks are going mad. Socrates scores, got a beautiful cross from Archimedes.
The Germans are disputing it. Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics, Kant via the categorical imperative is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming it was offside.
But Confucius has answered them with the final whistle! It’s all over! Germany, having trounced England’s famous midfield trio of Bentham, Locke and Hobbes in the semi-final, have been beaten by the odd goal, and let’s see it again. [Replay viewed from behind the goal.]
There it is, Socrates, Socrates heads in and Leibnitz doesn’t have a chance. And just look at those delighted Greeks. [The Greeks jog delightedly, holding a cup aloft.]
There they are, ”Chopper” Sophocles, Empedocles of Acragus, what a game he had. And Epicurus is there, and Socrates the captain who scored what was probably the most important goal of his career.
This week on BallCrack – Jose Mourinho returns to the Premier League, we look forward to Manchester United vs Chelsea – Sunday 5th February, meet up with Harry Redknapp outside of court and Wayne Rooney bangs his Oasis drum.
Hand of God, nose of coke, belly of pot, hair of mullet.
There’s only one Diego Maradona and if this clip doesn’t serve to make your hangover worse, we’ll give you your money back. Novak Djokovic loked impressed anyway…
This is funny.If you don’t find it funny then it’s because you have allowed rivalry to overtake your sense of humour. Having been found guilty of racially abusing Patrice Evra, the Liverpool striker appears to have taken up rapping to prove he is innocent.
Oh, based upon the ‘quality’ of comments on YouTube – we’re disabling comments.
There are some footballers that you wouldn’t want to run into in a dark alley.But this Esteban chap doesn’t look too mental… until he starts kicking seven bells out of a pitch invader.
Tony Popovic scores an incredible back heel volley against Crystal Palace.The slight only issue is that Tony Popovic plays for Crystal Palace. Possibly one of the greatest own goals of all time.
Despite diving being such a shameful act and disgrace to football, it does have a comical side to it.To pick just five is a difficult task as there are so many divers in the modern game, but these are the one’s that will forever be in my memory.
We can’t be too hasty to ridicule these players; after all they are just showing off their versatility. Some of these ‘actors’ just want to make it to Hollywood after they hang their boots up and are just showing a sneak preview of their performance skills. The movie industry is out of their reach, so maybe they might have better luck doing comedy sketches.
5- Sergio Busquets v Inter Milan-Champions League semi-final 2010
Inter Milan were unfairly reduced to ten men after Thiago Motta was sent off for putting his hand on Busquet’s face. What made this incident so memorable was the famous Busquet’s sneak peek. After conning the referee with his outrageous acting he took a quick glance to check if Motta was shown the red card before covering his face again.
Rivaldo not only feigned an injury but fooled the referee by clutching his face after Turkish player Unsal kicked the ball at Rivaldo’s leg while waiting to take a corner. Unsal was shown a red despite the linesman being right next to the Brazilian. Rivaldo is still waiting for a phone call from Hollywood.
When you supposedly get brought down by the goalkeeper your initial reaction would be to fall down. Not Gilardino. As we recall this incident there was a distinct delay between the hit and the fall. It was only after a few seconds that the Italian remembered to fall to ground. Only a sniper shot can explain his delayed reaction. Film directors wouldn’t be too impressed with the Italian after he forgot his part.
2- Didier Drogba and Jens Lehmann- Chelsea v Arsenal
This was just classic and comedy at its best. When you see two heavyweights fall to the ground that easily you just have to sit back and laugh. It was basically anything you can do, I can do better.
It began with Lehmann lightly shoving Drogba which ended in the big Ivorian falling dramatically to the ground.
Drogba then repaid the favour by rushing over to the German and barged him with faintest of touches which resulted in the German also showing off his moves.
This has to be number 1, purely on the fact that Steven Taylor actually thought he could get away with murder. What was he thinking seriously, doing some slow motion action? While he pretended to get shot in the chest he actually stopped the ball from going into the net with his hand. He got a call to star in an action movie but turned it down- only joking.
This video below deserves special recognition. If you haven’t already seen it you must take a look.
It just has to be in a league of its own for most idiotic thing ever to be done in football. Who takes a players’ hand and use it as a weapon to hit themselves.
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