Everton

3 Nailed On Reasons Moyes Would Be Bonkers To Sign Him

David Moyes is planning a move for West Ham’s Kieron Dyer, if he can prove his fitness.

Dyer is currently on loan at Ipswich Town, his hometown club and also the place that started his footballing career, and if the 32 year old can prove that he is back to his best, then Everton will no doubt want to take a chance on him.

Now, I know the Everton squad is a bit thin on the ground, and on the face of it the former England midfielder might sound like quite a sensible target for the Toffees. But as a Newcastle fan, I thought I should warn all you blue-noses, that signing Dyer brings with it the potential for disaster. Here’s 3 examples of what I’m talking about:

Fighting with team-mates – Your team is 3-0 down to Aston Villa. You’ve just had your key centre-back sent off, for a handball in the box which he tried to cover up by pretending it had hit him in the side. Really hard. And it hurt.

What do you do? a) dig in and try to prevent any more embarrassment? b) try and get a goal back. After all, you’ve got nothing to lose! c) pick one of the players on your team and take out your frustrations by swinging at him with your fists? Dyer and Bowyer chose c, and were both sent off. Imagine Steven Taylor’s face when they both burst into the dressing room and started squaring up to each other. I like to think of Taylor covering his ears and squealing, ‘Stop it Kieron, you’re frightening me!’

Bizarre Training Ground Incidents – We’ve all heard about them. Injuries that are the result of pure fluke, or ‘freakish’ elements, and Dyer has had his fair share. Coming to the end of his career with Newcastle, Dyer was apparently doing some light training. You know, that one where they run between long poles.

Whilst taking part, Dyer misjudged the distance between two poles, and ended up poking himself in the eye. The eye is actually one of the strongest parts of the body. You’d have to really push a pencil into it to make any lasting damage. Somehow, Kieron managed to almost blind himself and was out of action for another month or so.

Dangerous Driving – Dyer was known for bombing around in flash cars during his time at Newcastle. In fact, that was one of the theories why his hamstrings were so bad. Because he sat quite low in the car, the vibrations weakened the muscles in his legs…apparently!! Your career is a small price to pay for that Ferrari though, isn’t it? But that’s not the only bit of driving related disaster that Dyer had to endure.

He was once pulled over for speeding by the Northumberland police, and when asked for an explanation he told officers that he had been listening to radio coverage of the US Open and had just got so excited had forgotten where he was. ‘What can I say..’ he said, ‘I just love Tiger Woods.’. Who doesn’t? Well, except his ex….

Don’t get me wrong though! These were entirely isolated incidents and Kieron has moved on alot since then! He was young and reckless, and most footballers have been guilty of one, or two (very rarely all three) of the list! At his peak, Dyer was one of the best wingers in the country. I remember watching him torture right backs all night in his prime. If David Moyes is to take a punt on him, then he better make sure he signs Kieron Dyer Footballer…not Kieron Dyer Walking Disaster Area.

Follow Peter Turner on Twitter @petermagpie

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