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Gary Neville’s Moustache Strategy

GARY Neville has announced his retirement from football to focus on growing a moustache… according to The Daily Mash.

The Manchester United defender and reigning ‘Mancunianest Man Alive’ made the announcement outside Old Trafford while rubbing a mixture of goose fat and Deep Heat into his upper lip.

Neville said: “I’ve won everything it’s possible to win in football except for a single tournament with England or the affection of anybody who doesn’t support United but I won’t feel complete until none of my filtrum skin is visible.

“As a boy growing up I’d see the luxuriant lip furniture of players like Ian Rush and Graeme Souness.”

Footballologist Wayne Hayes said: “This is an almost spiritual quest for Gary, rather like Jesus’ 40 days in the wilderness. The difference being, of course, that Jesus has never walked around the Arndale Centre thinking he’s Gary Neville.”

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Article title: Gary Neville’s Moustache Strategy

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