Premier League

5 Reasons To Fear Jens Lehmann

Arsenal travel to White Hart Lane tomorrow evening and among their number is a man known simply as ‘Mad Jens’.

His last game for Arsenal was on May 4th, 2008.  He retired from football sometime after but now claims that this was merely a cover story. ‘I am not able to discuss my work during my retirement. But I can tell you that without the Loyalist Wolfstein Guard this place you casually call Europe would have been beset by a plague of bears.’

Jens Lehmann celebrated his 52nd birthday yesterday in a private celebration at the Bishopsgate branch of Kentucky Fried Chicken with a small group of close friends including TV chef Ainsley Harriot and astrologer Russel Grant.

He’s A Tantric Sex Guru

He’s A Martial Arts Expert

A Ruthless Anti Litter Campaigner

He’s Always Hungry

He Has The Weakest Bladder In Europe

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