One of the most egregious aspects of modern top flight football is the amount of diving better suited to an Olympic pool which takes place every weekend.
Strangely the biggest divers tend to be some of the best players around; it’s as though the top players are not satisfied with their superior ability and are compelled to cheat in order to gain a further advantage they consider to be rightfully theirs. So who are the Premier League’s five worst ever offenders?
Cristiano Ronaldo. Surely there can be no contest for the number one position? Despite being one of the best players in the world, Ronaldo has always cultivated his use of the dark arts too. Perhaps when you are fouled as frequently as he is then diving for a foul doesn’t seem like gamesmanship, merely evening the odds. Brilliant player but still a complete winker.
Didier Drogba. For a big man Drogba doesn’t half go to ground easily. To be fair to him when he’s in the mood and terrorising defenders Drogba tends to stay on his feet. But get him on a day when he’s throwing his toys out of the pram and he goes down faster than a prostitute in an elevator.
Jurgen Klinsmann. An old school diver, Klinsmann brought a postmodern perspective to the art with a legendary celebration which acknowledged his reputation. Klinsmann always had an appreciation for the aesthetic of diving and his balletic grace makes him one of the most celebrated divers to ever grace Premier League stadia.
Luis Suarez. Despite being one of the best players currently in the Premier League, Suarez takes every opportunity possible to blatantly cheat. Leaving aside the other numerous on the field incidents involving the Uruguayan, his shameless diving threatens to overshadow his consistently brilliant performances for Liverpool.
Nani. The Portuguese winger has taken over where Ronaldo left off at Old Trafford. Supremely gifted but with a penchant for the full theatricals, Nani fulfills the classic foreign stereotype of the diver. Never content to simply fall to the floor in the manner of a Drogba, Nani will invariably perform one of the post-dive rolls from his impressive repertoire in an attempt to get a defender booked. Any apocryphal statue would be horizontal.
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