Fulham Football Club have unveiled a new statue to grace their Craven Cottage ground. But which illustrious figure from their past is it a representation of? Jimmy Hill? Sir Bobby Robson? Chris Coleman?? Good guesses, but way off. The new statue is of Fulham fan, and good friend of Fulham owner Mohammad Al-Fayed, Micheal Jackson.
Yes the recently deceased pop legend’s likeness will grace the Craven Cottage stadium, in a permanent tribute to the good taste and classiness of Al-Fayed….oh, and the musical genius the star left behind. I for one am a big fan of the idea, and offer my congratulations to Al-Fayed for thinking outside the box. In fact, the story has inspired me to come up with 5 possible statues which should grace other stadiums around the country:
Eastlands – Manchester City has become too serious of late. What with Balotelli kicking people, Mancini throwing the occasional wobbler and all that money floating around, it’s time fans of the club took a moment to stop and laugh. So what better way to remind them of that then a statue of legendary funny man, EDDIE LARGE? To be fair, you might have to build a smaller statue of Sid Little next to him so people can get the reference. And a plaque explaining who it is. A large plaque. Preferably with some television footage.
Anfield – Scousers are known for their comedy.They’re hilarious. ‘Calm Down, Calm Down’ and all that. Liverpool need a statue that reminds them of that comedic heritage. So who better than JIMMY TARBUCK The gap-toothed comedian should be sculpted wearing a golf cardigan and a ‘comedy’ Beatle wig.
The Emirates – Dear oh dear, it’s all going wrong for Arsenal at the moment. Depressing isn’t it, Arsenal fans? You know what cheers me up when I’m feeling blue? A Dido CD. Hey, she’s a Gooner isn’t she! Why not represent that feeling of loss and pain that only Arsenal fans can feel by building a statue to everyone’s favourite warbler, DIDO You could even show her being locked in a trunk by Eminem…cos she did that song with him, remember? The one where he plays a nutter.
Old Trafford – Too many to choose from. Well, there can only be one. Who’s the biggest fan of Manchester United in the whole wide world! Of course! EAMONN HOLMES! Why not build a huge life size version of him sitting on the This Morning couch interviewing George Best, Bobby Charlton and Eric Cantona. You could even sculpt a version of his tasty wife sitting next to him! (You know you would…)
White Hart Lane – What image do Spurs fans want to present to the cream of Europe when they arrive to play them later this month? Something that shows off the talents of the Cockney people. Something that says, we’re here to stay. Something that says, give it a rest? Something that says, we’re snooker loopy. There’s only one band that sum up that defiant attitude to life, and I’m proud to say I’ve seen them live! Ladies and gentlemen, CHAS AND DAVE The statue must also play music, preferably ‘Rabbit, Rabbit’. Spurs fans could then join in and sing it at Jose Mourinho.
These are just some of my suggestions, but who have I missed? Cilla Black at Everton? Heather Mills at Sunderland? Or what about a homage to Alastair Campbell at Burnley? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below!
Follow Peter Turner on Twitter @petermagpie
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