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Arsene Wenger vs Phil Brown

This weekend sees Hull City host the mighty Arsenal. But beyond the array of part time hod carriers and French exchange students, what are the integral differences, those things that set apart these two great clubs? Oh sod it, who cares? Let’s have a look at their shared strong points -funny looking blokes managing them.

Seconds away round one.


This was always going to be a close round. Arsene sports a look that was last seen atop menswear dummies in the very late seventies. A nylon mesh weave side parting jobby in a shade of grey known in the trade as photofit grey.

Young Phillipe also opts for style also straight out the shop window, but this time from a decade later with the 1980’s city center barber studio portrait. Masculine and yet effortlessly garnished with vitamin enriched gels and err.. product. 1-1.


Wenger is clearly a fan of the 3 button demob suit. When his tailor told him that a Poly-mix fabric would last him a lifetime, the Arsenal manager took that as a personal mission of discovery. You can see in Brown’s eyes he was a big Nickleby’s customer back in the day. He lets his clothes do the talking. Unfortunately they are saying, ‘Hello beautiful lay-dee’. 2-2.


Arsene frequently sounds like a radio that is just ever so slightly out of tune. This combined with his beady eye movement makes for low grade skills in this area. But then he suddenly does this ‘Angel Of The North’ thing with his hands and he has you again. Disconcerting, but effective.

Next time you see Phil in full flow on the telly, mute the sound. What you’ll then have is a man explaining to his wife that he’s been arrested, fired and about to lose their house but everything is going to be just fine because he’s accepted for a Topman Storecard and do you fancy going out to celebrate? 1-2.

The Ladies.

Mr Wenger keeps his personal life to himself. There’s only one snap on the Internet of his long term love, Annie with her face to camera and if you like ’em in rayon blouses with a hint of Austrian Hausfrau, this belle’s for you, sir.

Phil has is married to Karen and there is only one snap of her, back to camera. 1-3 to the Brownster.


Aresne is a hugely respected manager with CV littered with silverware. Phil is an orange twit who will always be remembered for that ridiculous half time team talk he held on the pitch. 2-1.

Final Score:  Wenger 7  Brown 9.

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Article title: Arsene Wenger vs Phil Brown

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