It’s been a busy one hasn’t it? United, playing Ryan Giggs left back, Darren Fletcher right back and Michael Carrick alongside Patrice Evra in defence, managed to scrape past West Ham 4-0 at Upton Park. I’m looking forward to seeing Park Ji Sung between the sticks against Wolfsburg this week. Things are so bad on the injury front at Old Trafford that it is rumoured they may have to give Michael Owen a game. You have to have a grudging respect for that, an utterly makeshift defence, away from home at a tricky opponent and they win 4-0? Stunning.
Anyways, here’s some other things we learned this weekend, presented this week in ultra high-definition, quadrophonic, laser-guided point format for those with the attention span of Wayne Rooney.
1. Manchester City haven’t forgotten how to win… No indeed they have not. Their 2-1 victory over Chelsea was a massive result for them and a huge boost for Mark Hughes. It was a setback for Chelsea and Carlo Ancelotti, who showed he is getting his grasp of England management down to a fine art by blaming the loss on the referee. The scribbling noise you heard was the sound of Fabio Capello scratching out Frank Lampard from his list of potential England team penalty shoot-out takers for the World Cup 2010. The clinking of loose change was Carlo Ancelotti wondering who to buy in January…
2. Alberto Aquilani must be dead.. No think about it. A game against Blackburn away, a game Liverpool must win and their £20m summer signing still cannot get on the field? If it wasn’t for the weeping Liverpool fans littering my local streets it would be tempting to think Benitez is a United or Chelsea fan. It is utterly staggering to think that a manager should spend that amount of money, that a club can ill-afford, on a player who has contributed nothing, and we are now in December, and yet still think he should be exempt from criticism and have the backing of the fans and board.
3. Tim Cahill must soon be featured on the “Face I’d Like to Smack” article… He’s a nasty piece of work. Good player for Everton and it is easy to see why the fans love him when he pops up with late equalisers like he did on Sunday, but his challenge on Lennon was just the epitome of cynical and it is not the first time he has done it. Plus he has that stupid “boxing the corner flag” celebration which is just irritating, plus he has a face that is half elf, half donkey. Spurs though are a bit like a bad dog walker at times. They fail to hold onto even the simplest of leads.The scribbling noise you heard was the sound of Fabio Capello scratching out Jermaine Defoe from his list of potential England team penalty shoot-out takers for the World Cup 2010. Michael Dawson for England? Possibly, but it may help if he understood the offside rule. I did like the fact he appealed against Cahill’s goal for offside, ala Tony Adams in his pomp, whilst he was stood on the goalline next to Gomes.
4.Jimmy Bullard is the funniest and unluckiest man in football… I felt so sorry for him coming off the field against Villa on Saturday. Here’s hoping it isn’t as bad as first feared and he is back playing before too long.
In the World Cup final draw England are grouped with, as Alan Partridge calls them, “The Good old U.S uncle of Stateside”, Algeria and Slovenia in a group that Fabio Capello cannot be too worried about. Wayne Rooney, so excited at the prospect of the draw, slept through it. Shame he missed the oscar winning performance of Charlize Theron and Jerome Walcke who had about as much potent sexual chemistry between them as Burt and Ernie. What has Beckham done with his hair? He looked a shady character who should be trying to get money off you for going on the Waltzers at a hastily put up travelling fairground. I know it is not the done thing to insult a great man, but what was Nelson Mandela wearing? That nifty orange and gold flowered combo shirt looked like it had been hastily thrown together from some curtains taken from the set of a 1970’s porn film.
Oh and Arsene’s learned to shake hands again. Well done! Strange how he recovers those powers after a victory isn’t it?
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