Arsenal

Cole To Do A Runner

Everybody loves Ashley Cole. He’s the nation’s sweetheart, our most dearest and beloved, his face will soon adorn our currency and deservedly be etched into the archives as an icon as highly revered as Shakespeare, Darwin and Churchill. Yep, we are all – yes, all, so that includes you, especially YOU – utterly enamoured with him. This is why the nation is anxiously preparing itself for the horrifying prospect of losing our new ‘queen of hearts’ to Real Madrid.

When he finally takes to the Bernabeu throne, Jose Mourinho has reportedly made Cole his top transfer target. Jose is acutely keen to strengthen the defence. Though numerous attempts have been made, the left-back position has not been adequately grabbed since the hacienda days of Roberto Carlos. Hence, Real Madrid would greatly welcome the prospective move – thought to be in the region of £25 million – as Mourinho attempts to rekindle the love affair which saw him take Cole from Arsenal to Chelsea in 2006.

After allegations of infidelity, shitting on his neighbours porch and violently kicking a cute little puppy to death before burning its body and performing a hideous ritualistic jig around the dying embers of its carcass, or whatever it was he did, Cole’s public stock may have fallen even further but he is undoubtedly a very good player. His pace, movement and guile down the left-flank proved a valuable outlet for double-winning Chelsea this year and so they will be keen to hold on.

In regards to the above, Cole reportedly felt he was victimised and not sufficiently supported by Chelsea following the adultery allegations and is apparently tired of tabloid ‘tales’. Hence, a chance to hook up with former flame Mourhino in sunny Spain may well prove tempting.

As yet, no word from Cole on the matter, but Mourinho and Madrid are certainly known to be keen.

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