Arsenal

*Exclusive* West Ham Announce Interest In Dutch Manager

Late last night from the Bobby Moore Booth, deep within the bowels of the Britannia Balti* (Canning Branch) West Ham spokesman Nicholas Griffin made the following announcement.

‘West Ham has been like a mother to me. And it would be unthinkable to leave my own mother in the hands of an Italian. Let me be clear, Johnny Franco has our full and unwavering support, but now is a time for change and that time is now.’

‘History is littered with great men. Great British men. And Schteve McClaren. This is West Ham Football Club’s come and get us plea.’

‘We believe that the appointment of the England manager, Schteve McClaren, moving to the Olympic Stadium, Ebaying 90% of the work shy, overpaid pooftas on our playing staff and re-branding ourselves as Athletico Stratford will earn us precisely the place in history we deserve.”

“West Ham exists to secure a future for the indigenous bubble blowers of these islands in the North Atlantic which have been our homeland for millennia. We use the term indigenous to describe the people whose ancestors were the earliest bubble blowers here after the last great Ice Age and which have been complemented by the historic migrations from mainland Europe.”

“Now if you will excuse me gentlemen of The Press, I need to adjourn for a gypsy’s.”

See all of West Ham’s plans to make history at their website, www.BigNewPitch.co.uk which is currently under construction.

*Under new management. All enquiries to Sullivan & Gold t/a Ruby Murray Ltd.

Like what the TT have on offer? Sign up for more notifications!
To Top