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Fergie’s Retirement Plans Leaked

Sir Alex Ferguson

Well, sort of.

It seems Sir Alex can’t help but put himself in the papers somehow. He’s revealed that his “secret dream” was to manage Barcelona once in his lifetime, adding speculation to whether his retirement will be at Old Trafford.

Now I’m sure many anyone who isn’t a United fan would love to see Sir Alex trot off to Spain or even better; finally retire. I remember how annoyed I was when he decided to keep going last time, so incredibly selfish of him! Give someone else a go, preferably someone who can’t do such a bloody good job.

Following that short outburst, here’s a few jobs I would personally love to see Sir Alex in after he finally buggers off.

Pre School Child Minder

Fergie is the king of dealing naughty children. If he doesn’t like what you’re doing he will kick the living hell out of you, literally.

Ryan Giggs once spoke to the fear of going for a beer whilst having Sir Alex as your boss, something that Lee Sharpe didn’t seem to mind too much. There is one rule in Fergie’s crรจche though, either do what I say or be sent packing.

Pre Financial Crisis Investment Banker (Given we had access to a time travelling delorian)

He may be a fantastic manager but he hasn’t always been the best with the old wonga. Fergie is at his best when he can’t spend money, he excels at buying young players he can craft.

Though, when he has it to spend, I can’t think of too many that have come off.

Veron, Berbatov, Anderson, Djemba-Djemba, Taibi, Kleberson to name a few. Having said that Ferdinand did cost a few bob, well once every blue moon eh Alex?

I would have loved to see Alex at Hbos buying and selling just before the the proverbial poop hit the fan.

Hair Stylist

Fergie has always been great at giving players the “hairdryer treatment”, so why not try it in real life?

Mark Hughes coined the famous phrase when insisting that Fergie could shout at you nose-to-nose so ferociously that your hair would end up behind your head. I like to think of that as the pre-spray.

Fergie obviously did a great job on Sparky, he had some lovely bounce in that curly ‘fro for years. Cheryl Cole would be jealous… instant glam.


Fergie has been in thousands of tabloid battles over the years and I can’t think of many he has lost.

His tabloid based bating of rival managers has lead to one or two breakdowns with Rafa Benitez being the first casualty to many peoples’ minds. I can only think of a certain Jose Mourinho that could give journos the gold that Sir Alex had fed them in the past.

Not only can he put on a show, he can also calm a media circus with ease. Wayne Rooney was “out of control” only weeks ago and heading out of Old Trafford. Now he’s spotted in “Now” magazine relaxing with Coleen whilst tabloid sport journos slowly realise writing about him now is a tad ‘old hat’ and boring. You can’t tell me it wasn’t Fergie’s idea to get him out of the country asap. Max Clifford, watch out.

An Apple

…or tomato, take your pick. The man is permanently bright red. Maybe it’s the cold winds of Manchester that give him such a rosey appearance or the fact he’s been in top level management for years? I fear it is probably the latter.

His bloody pressure must be through the roof to propel such a magnificent rouge glint. I’m not surprised either when you have to deal with the likes of Wayne Rooney every day. I think it’s glorious though, when he comes in from the cold he just looks so damn cute.

Feel free to add any of your own suggestions below. Frankly I can’t wait for him to finally put his feet up and retire; that said, I don’t think he ever will.

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Article title: Fergie’s Retirement Plans Leaked

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