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Football’s Top 10 Twitterers

Long time no tweet

Not content with falling out of nightclubs and having sex with each other’s girlfriends, top flight footballers have now found a whole new high-tech way of stirring up trouble for themselves.

Here are 10 of the beautiful games biggest imbeciles in the fantastic world of twitter.

Darren Bent (Sunderland)

Sadly no longer broadcasting after posting a string of hideously misguided updates concerning his £10m transfer from Tottenham and an incident involving his mother being racially abused by a fan in the North East.

Alarmed at the frankness of his twitters, Steve Bruce instructed Bent to shut down his account in February and get on with playing some football.

Jody Craddock (Wolves)

One of the more interesting (and intelligent) posters from the world of football. He uses his account to push his artwork as much as anything.

Phil Brown (ex-Hull)

The former Hull boss didn’t really need any help to look like a halfwit but is having a go anyway with hilarious results such as “Dowie – he has trouble keeping his face up never mind a football club” and “I will be announced as the new Liverpool boss on Wednesday.” I suspect it might actually be an imposter but amusing all the same.

Paul Merson (ex-Arsenal, Villa and Portsmouth)

I suspect this one might be run by the same rascal behind Phil Brown’s account given overly self-deprecating humour such as “I had an unnerving dream last night. I was sober and had a full set of teeth.”

Rio Ferdinand (Manchester United)

Reading his posts might be like looking at an 11-year-old’s phone as everything is gr8 but he does tend to reply to a huge number of fans. One of the game’s good guys.

Cristiano Ronaldo (Real Madrid)

This one’s all in Portuguese but you can just imagine the petulant, arrogant baby face’s most recent posts reading “I tried to stay on my feet, honest” or “I argued with the ref not to send off the innocent defender.”

Kaka (Real Madrid)

The Brazilian is a prolific twitterer and recently stated that he was going to shut his wife’s Twitter account after Spanish media reported she had used it to criticise the club’s coach Manuel Pellegrini for not giving her husband more playing time.

Paul Scholes (Manchester United)

I’m afraid this one’s got all the hallmarks of an imposter with exciting tales about Chinese takeaways, Fearne Cotton and eating bacon sandwiches.

Peter Crouch (Tottenham)

The human beanpole may have over 5000 followers but he will surely be rueing Fabio’s decision to ban the England squad from social networking throughout the World Cup. Curiously, his list of people that he follows consists entirely of very young and attractive women.

Me (Transfer Tavern)

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Article title: Football’s Top 10 Twitterers

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