In a bid to improve performances on the pitch, Gerard Houllier has radioed for reinforcements from HQ. He’s asked General Charles Krulak, friend and business associate of Aston Villa owner Randy Lerner to pay a visit to the Villa training pitch, and give the boys some inspirational words of wisdom.
General Krulak is an ex-US Marine, and served in Vietnam. I managed to get exclusive access to the training ground and get a transcript of what the General had to say;
‘Do you smell that? Cut grass son….I love the smell of cut grass in the morning. It smells like….victory. Now when my marines went into battle, they fought for their brothers-in-arms, the men wearing their uniform and emblem. When a player wears the club badge, I expect the same.
I’m not supposed to be here today. Let the first people to find that out be Everton. I want them to rise up on their hind legs and howl: ‘Jesus Christ it’s that goddamn Aston Villa and that son of a gun Krulak again’…There’s one great thing you men can say when this season is all over. You can thank God that 20 years from now when you’re sitting by the fireside with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you what you did in the Premiership season 2010-11, you won’t have to shift him to the other knee, cough and say: ‘Well son, I shovelled crap in the Championship….’
Gentlemen, from time to time there will be complaints that I’m pushing you too hard. I don’t give a good Goddamn about such complaints. The harder we push, the more games we’ll win, and gentlemen the more games we win, the more money y’all get! Pushing means more money. I want you to remember that, or I’ll have you standing tall before the man!
I have nothing but the best in my team. I don’t care what colour you are, how smart you are, who your daddy is or where you come from as long as you go out there and win! Your fans are looking to you. Don’t let them down….and damn you don’t let me down!
If you want me you can always find me in the lead tank. ‘
After that inspiring speech, Gerard Houllier said his bit…
‘Aston Villa has lost ze battle…but she has not lost ze war. Vive le Aston Villa!’
(With apologies to General George Patton and General Charles De Gaulle)
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