Two heavyweights square off today, as we try to find out who is the best (stupidest) of them all. In the white and navy corner a man who still manages to get some jobs working for ITV where he happily stumbles all over the names of Countries from Eastern Europe with reckless abandon, David Pleat. While in the claret and blue corner we have…..Ron Atkinson.
Too quote sports media legend Alan Partridge, let battle commence!
‘Big Ron’ had a playing career with Oxford United for 12 years, but when he moved into management he worked at a string of different clubs, when he moved into punditry he really started to demonstrate his own special brand of phrasing and ‘Ronglish’ was born:
“When Scholes gets it [tackling] wrong, they come in so late that they arrive early“
Atkinson is clearly a man who says it as he see’s it, difficult to know if this is a criticism by the great man though or just word of praise…
“He dribbles a lot and the opposition don’t like it – you can see it all over their faces”
Clearly a very undesirable image, Big Ron has a wonderful ability to paint pictures with words….in this case horrible images.
“Liverpool will think ‘we could have won this 2-2′”
If ever there was a comment to sum up a mans football brain, this just about proves how much football intelligence Atkinson has!
“[Phil Neville] was treading on dangerous water there…”
Ron knows his way around a metaphor…or is it a simile, or is it just a load of nonsense?
” Chelsea look like they’ve got a couple more gears left in the locker”
The muddled mind of a genius? Or the onset of old age?
“I never comment on referees and I‘m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat”
All the best pundits are outspoken in this case Ron didn’t mean too be, he just couldn’t help himself!
Pleat served as Luton manager for a long spell in the 80s and and was maybe most remembered for his run/dance onto the pitch in 1983 against Manchester City to celebrate a goal that saved Luton from relegation. In more recent years he moved into TV commentary with ITV and now we can enjoy his own special brand of commentary on 5live.
“There’s Thierry Henry, exploding like the French train that he is”
Wait..what? Exploding? A French train? I am don’t even know where to go with that
“Our central defenders, Doherty and Anthony Gardner, were fantastic and I told them that when they go to bed tonight they should think of each other”
David is a man for the 21st Century, he doesn’t get embarrassed, clearly the key too a solid back-line is to go to bed thinking about your defensive partner.
“For such a small man Maradona gets great elevation on his balls”
Ah sweet innuendo, where would we be in football without it? The beauty of this is that David is such a serious and important man, he wouldn’t dream of smirking after uttering such a line!
“For those of you watching in black and white, spurs are in the all yellow strip”
Pleat is never a man to be confused by technology…
“Craig Bellamy definitely runs faster forwards than he runs backwards”
The workings of the human body are not lost on this pundit, and with lessons like these maybe Craig can protect those fragile knee’s of his.
“The Dutch will be wary of the big lad pulling off at the back post!”
Like before a smaller person would find this amusing, not David Pleat however, he is offering serious tactical advice!
Well after the final verbal punches have been thrown, I am sure we can all agree there are no knockouts here and no clear winners (the public aren’t going to win either way!).
After much deliberation, I think the win has to go to Luton and Spurs legend David Pleat, his use of innuendo amuses us all massively and his dose of important tactical information makes it even more rewarding, Atkinson has made some grade A blunders himself, but the likable idiocy of Pleat has seen him through to round 2 with Ian Holloway. Stay tuned to find out who he will meet in the second round, follow @soccercityjoe on twitter to find out!
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