According to The Daily Mash, FANS have asked for the ownership battle over Liverpool FC to be staged at Anfield in place of the actual football.
Supporters say Tom Hicks and George Gillett’s last-ditch defence of their business interests has called to mind the halcyon days of Djimi Traoré and Phil Babb in its comic desperation.
The ongoing saga looks set for an initial six-week run, with Willy Russell setting the story to a series of lachrymose show tunes and the parts of Hicks and Gillett being played by Elaine Page and Barbara Dickson.
An insider said: “Rather than watching Gerrard hurtling around the pitch like an ADHD child topped up with Sunny Delight and crack, we’ll have a delightful afternoon of theatre in the round.
“If that’s not too fancy a term for 45,000 sweaty sacks of whining nylon swearing at some foreigners.”
Coach Roy Hodgson said: “A bit of theatre would be nice wouldn’t it? Of course there was no telly when I first started managing football teams. All we had was the theatre and the newspapers. And the radio. I liked the radio.
“Here, they should do that song from Singin’ in the Rain. It’s the one where it’s raining and he’s singing. You know the one I mean.”
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