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Open Letter To Martin Petrov

Petrov – is he a self-fulfilling prophecy? Asks the ever cheerful, part-time UN Peacekeeper, George Caveney.

Babyish 13 year-old balding Bolton winger Martin Petrov faced his former club at Eastlands and has slammed City, suggesting he was treated like a 13-year-old. ‘So what’, you may ask. Oh, hang on… he’s what? 31? Petrov is 31? Well, that would explain his advanced alopecia.

Shut it, Martin. Speak with your feet if you want to make a point. On occasion I thought you were spectacular at City, but you gotta ask yourself how you became surplus to requirements. Could it be your sullen manner and piss-poor attitude? Your acne, perhaps? A tendency to masturbate at every opportunity and mutter “k’off, I hate you” at girls?

Forgive us for treating you like a 13 year old, Master Petrov. If only we’d known you were actually a grown man, and what a rotten time you were having. Here, have a Werther’s Original and be a good lad. Take your gloves off first, or you’ll get fluff on it.

The sweet.


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Article title: Open Letter To Martin Petrov

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