Premier League

Peter Crouch & Abbey Clancy, A Black Eye & A New Footballer Boyfriend

Place your bets - you may wish to use a coaster...

Never a dull moment in the Premiership. Just as it looks like not very much is happening some old stinker comes out the woodwork claiming to have committed all kinds of unmentionables upon the person of Peter Crouch.

Monica Mint. A woman who’s business card consists of a torn piece of cigarette packet with ‘Monica, prostitute €1000 scrawled across it in biro. Classy.

If we have learned anything about footballers being caught ‘trousers down’ with women of easy virtue, it’s that these things look like the end of the world at first, but are rarely ever much more than a storm in a D cup.

William Hill are a gang of rogues. In particular their man, Joe Crilly. He’s devised a series of scandal related punts.

Abbey Clancy at 6/1 to enter the jungle while Simon Jordan is 7/1 and Dwight Yorke 8/1 to feast on some bush tucker. Monica Mint, Peter Crouch’s Stag Strumpet, is 25/1 to join the ‘celebrities’ in the jungle.

Amazingly the Crouch/Clancy wedding is 2/7 to go ahead as planned and 5/2 that it does not. Hills are also offering 9/2 that Clancy dumps Crouch and starts dating another Premiership footballer by the end of the year.

“It could be a case of Abbey jumping straight from the frying pan into the fire if she enters the jungle. With names like Simon Jordan and Dwight Yorke being mentioned, it could be interesting to see how she handles the raging hormones of two of football’s alpha males,” a genuinely concerned Joe Crilly said.

Prices for other has beens and neverwas’s to star in I’m A Celebrity include… 1/1 The Chuckle Brothers; 6/1 Abbey Clancy; 7/1 Simon Jordan; 8/1 Nick Bateman; 8/1 Dwight Yorke; 10/1 Kerry Katona; 10/1 Mitch Winehouse; 12/1 Meg Matthews; 20/1 Veronica Peroncell; 25/1 Monica Mint; 33/1 Toni Terry.

Abbey Clancey Specials are there for your delight also – Will The Wedding Go Ahead As Planned: 2/7 Yes; 5/2 No
Clancy To Ditch Peter Crouch And Date Another Premiership Footballer By The End Of The Year: 9/2
Crouch To Appear In Public With A Black Eye By The End Of The Week: 33/1

9/2. Is that a short price or a long one?

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