Arsenal

Prem Club Will Move Into Olympic Stadium

West Ham will be moving into the Olympic Stadium.

Nicholas Griffin, newly appointed Press Attache for West Ham United made an official announcement via the club’s website www.BigNewPitch.co.uk, just minutes ago. “The club are delighted to announce that a proposal that is agreeable to both parties has been agreed in principle. After the closing ceremony of the London Olympics in London in 2012, there will commence what shall be a rapid metamorphosis from the world’s finest athletics venue to the world’s finest football venue.”

“West Ham Football Club exists to secure a place to watch Premiership and perhaps even Championship football for the indigenous peoples of these islands in the North Atlantic which have been our homeland for millennia. We use the term indigenous to describe the people whose ancestors were the earliest settlers here after the last great Ice Age and which have been complemented by the historic migrations from mainland Europe.”

“The history of this remarkable football club is steeped in history. Winning the World Cup in 1966, the formation of the ICF and being mentioned in the IT Crowd. This audacious move will only serve to underline our place in history.”

“Perhaps controversially, this move will result in The Special Olympics being forced to seek an alternative venue for their games, but even more importantly, a re-branding of the entire Club. This bold initiative will include a new trading name which the directors believe will encapsulate the club’s desire, drive and ambition.”

“For too long our once proud, British,  supporters have lived in the shade of the Europhile’s jackboot. West Ham want to assure each and every one of them the Club will be mounting a campaign on all fronts to remedy this travesty. As a symbolism of intent, Atheltico Stratford will mark a rebirth of pride, of footballing ambition from the very heart of East London.”

“Details of sponsorship packages, team management opportunities and vending rights in and outside of the ground will be available at www.BigNewPitch/earners.co.uk.”

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