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Premier League Man of Mystery : Liverpool’s Ryan Babel

RyanBabelThere once was a time when a “Dutch Rap” (N.B. This is not to be confused with a Dutch Cap, which is something entirely different) would have just involved smoking some iffy cigarettes, getting a bad case of the munchies and then scoffing down a sweetly filled pancake or six. Not anymore, not when you have the talents of Liverpool and Holland star Ryan Babel to contend with:


You see, Ryan has an alter ego called Rio. I’ve no idea why he is called Rio, it could be a tribute to Rio Ferdinand I suppose, or maybe he has some insatiable passion for early Duran Duran hits. However when Ryan Babel becomes Rio, he ceases to be a hugely talented but largely ineffective left winger, who tends to sit on the bench pouting. Instead he becomes Rio the Rapper and he’s rather good at it apprently. So much so that rap artist Sway invited the Anfield star to contribute to his soon to be released album The Signature 2.

Sway said: ‘Ryan Babel’s a good mate of mine. He’s a nice guy, he’s a sick rapper.

“The way he flips his flow is marvellous man, so I wanted him to do a bit – half Dutch, half British, and he really pulled it off man.”

There’s no doubt Rafa Benitez would quite like Babel to flip his flow marvellously a little more consistently at Anfield, but for the time being he’ll have to settle for video’s like this. Performed by Darryl and featuring the talents of Ali B, Soumia and Rio (Ryan Babel himself) the song is called “Eeyeeyo” and it is all in Dutch, the funny thing is though, it still sounds much much better than any of the American rap songs which routinely murder the English language.


If you are wondering what the lyrics are about, I believe, based upon the 2-3 seconds of research that I put into listening to the tune, that it is a comment upon the existential and post-modern principles of Friedrich Nietzsche’s philosophical writings and particularly the song focuses on his rebuttal of egalitarianism and Christianity and the objectivity of truth. Either that or it’s about a dyslexic child and his love for Eeyore from the Winnie the Pooh books.

However let us not forget that Ryan does have a couple of contemporaries at Anfield who can lay claim to being the “King of the Rappers”. A long time before Ryan Babel was even considered by Rafa Benitez, there was a giant of a man, coincidentally also a winger with sublime footballing talent. His name was John Barnes and it was he who provided the rap on the 1990 New Order hit, World in Motion:


And let’s not also forget the wonderfully awful, nay scrotum tighteningly bad effort that was the Anfield Rap. A song so bad, so utterly, buttock clenchingly dreadful, that a 20 year drought without a league title hardly seems penance enough:


Despite this legacy of Rap music (with a silent ‘C’) Ryan Babel isn’t content to stop there. He’s also become a Pop Star Mentor to 17 year old Chelcee Grimes, winner of a local radio station’s competition to find the “Next Big Urban Star” and Ryan will, for the next sixth months, mentor her in becoming a famous rap star. This includes studio time, coaching and negotiating his move away from Anfield in the January transfer window, presumably.

Honestly, it is enough to make anyone hanker after the glory days of Chas N’ Dave.  Although I dread to think what the modern music stars may make of the cheery cockney funsters… something like this perhaps?


Goodnight folks and remember, don’t have nightmares.

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Article title: Premier League Man of Mystery : Liverpool’s Ryan Babel

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