Liverpool

Rooney’s Lonely Heart Ad & The Top 5 Likely To Reply

Balding orange Scouser WLTM Premiership Football Club 4 goalmouth fun. ME: 24, love smoking, drinking and doing the occasional brass. Currently in a long term relationship with a Manc club that’s gone stale I would consider staying local for the right money.  YOU: Must be solvent & adoring. No Scots.

Tottenham – Not a chance. His wage bill will limit any prospective interested parties and Spurs would be first in the queue of clubs that in theory could afford his demands, but absolutely would not.

Manchester City – Front runners. But then most races they enter to buy someone very very expensive will be won by them. Bottomless pockets. Would he fit in? Who knows… they are preparing for war and as they proved in relation to Bellamy and Given, they can afford to maintain a portfolio of players that many clubs would buy and need to play immediately.

Liverpool – To state the bleedin’ obvious, something major has to happen at Anfield if they are not to go down the plughole. Their new owner might have it in mind to have a marque signing in order to steady the ship. If I were him, I’d opt for a big hitting manager before getting tangled up in another misfiring striker.

Everton – More chance of the Magnificent Seven returning than Wazza going back to Goodison Park. They are broke and he’d probably get a more hostile reception than the one he gets at Coleen’s parents house.

Johny Foreigner XI – Slim to zero. Real Madrid won’t be shopping in January and Barcelona are skint. Even if the situation in a recession racked Europe was reversed, the idea that Rooney would embrace a foreign culture beggars belief.

There was a great anecdote that when Gazza was at Lazio, he was told to cut his lager consumption and try switching to wine. Feedback was he had reduced his drinking to five pints of Lambrusco a night.


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