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Shocker: Seydou Doumbia to Newcastle United

Seydou Doumbia…that happened, didn’t it?

Newcastle United recruiting Seydou Doumbia was a very, very odd signing. Not because he was a bad player – he was a good one, at least in his past – but because he literally never saw the light of day. Like the action figure enthusiast who never lifts his prize possession out of the box, Newcastle tentatively revealed Doumbia to the St James’ faithful on just three occasions – totalling 29 minutes of game time – during his short and uneventful stint at the club on loan from AS Roma.

For a side who were struggling for goals and looked destined for the drop under waste-of-space manager Steve McClaren, it seemed counter-intuitive not to play a man who had been top goal scorer in his respective league not once but four times and had scored a total of 95 goals in 150 games at CSKA Moscow a few seasons before. What on earth was wrong, you may ask? Well, like area-51 remains a mystery to us all, so does the absence of the Ivorian.

Known for his blistering pace and evident ability to find the back of the net, absolutely none of that was evident in the half-an-hour of game-time we got from him. Had McClaren tied sandbags to his ankles? Was he possessed by alien forces? Was he inexplicably recruited by the Russian government to sabotage north-east football? All explanations are as viable as the other as we look to solve the almost unsolvable puzzle of Doumbia’s disastrous Premier League experience.

Of course, the less imaginative amongst us would simply put the flop down to misjudgement of epic proportions on the part of managing director Lee Charnley, and of course Steve McClaren. But he can’t help himself, really, can he? He’s genuinely just a lump of rubbish destined to make poor decisions wherever he ends up. A bit like the aged dog who had an accident on your new rug.

Whatever the story, Doumbia was a shocking signing.

Newcastle fans, would you have liked to have seen more of Doumbia, or was he best left untouched? Who else would you have preferred to have signed at the time? Let us know in the comments below!


Shocker: Seydou Doumbia to Newcastle United
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Article title: Shocker: Seydou Doumbia to Newcastle United

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