SIR Alex Ferguson has been accused of disrespecting the Carling Cup after installing a framed photo of his buttocks on the Manchester United bench.
The manager was absent from the game against Scunthorpe, claiming he had 3.2 million other things to do that were more important to him, including watching a fascinating program on healing crystals on the Shopping Channel and getting his copy of No Limits signed by 2 Unlimited’s Anita Dels.
Ferguson will also have to answer to the FA if he goes through with plans to send his unflushed toilet in his stead for the next round.
After Scunthorpe’s 5-2 defeat, caretaker manager Ian Baraclough said, “We were essentially limited to one side of the pitch as none of the lads wanted to go near that hairy, saggy pair of angry sh*tbumpers.”
Ferguson has repeatedly ignored areas of managerial responsibility, angering the BBC by sending Mike Phelan to conduct interviews while wearing a t-shirt with a crudely-drawn cartoon of Gary Lineker being sexually humiliated by a horse.
The investigation continues at The Daily Mash.