Everton

Everton’s Pornstar Prospect

So this Jack Rodwell fella then? He any good? Well, yes, he’s cracking as it happens. As another young Evertonian teenager becomes the talk of the blogosphere, what do we know about this hot young prospect?  

Other than the fact he’s got a great name for a porn star.

A prodigious Everton talent, Rodwell made his Under-18 debut for the Toffees when he was just 14 and was in the Reserves but a year later. He became the youngest player to play for Everton in Europe a year after that and – continuing his convenient yearly progression – had made his Premier League debut by the time he was 17, coming on in the final game of the 2007/08 season.

He was captain of the England Under-16 side that won the victory shield against Scotland and gained the prestigious honor of grabbing the first winning goal at the new Wembley Stadium by scoring the only goal against Spain at the same level, presumably watched by an adoring crowd of youth football anoraks, family members, cleaners and the industrial wasteland Wombles of the Wembley area.

After scoring his first senior goal in the 3-1 FA Cup win over Aston Villa and being touted as the next big thing on Football Manager, Rodwell came to the attention of the casual observer after an impressive performance in the FA Semi Final victory over Manchester United.

He appeared for the England Under-21’s at last summers European Championships, scoring against ‘ze Germans’ and earning all round praise for his all round performance.

At the beginning of this season the youtube massive joined the fan club after he scored two long range belter’s in a 4-1 Europa super doper disco fairy lights League ™ win over obscure and possibly fictional Czech side SK Sigma Olomouc. And to cap off his meteoric rise he shot straight into the A list of “the new next big things” by scoring the crowning goal in the 3-1 defeat of Man Utd last Saturday.

A rambunctious defensive midfielder, Rodwell is possibly the brightest English talent not to hold down a regular starting spot right now and should a move be forthcoming in the future, he’d likely cost upwards of £15m.

A powerful lad with a mean right foot and an eye for a pass (which to be honest, is something all footballers should have at least some grasp of anyway) he’s certain to add to reputation – as well as his 38 Premier League appearances – this season under the cautious tutelage of the man who brought through Wayne Rooney.

Being a defensive midfielder there’s less opportunity – or ability – to make a sparkling trick filled youtube video to the soundtrack of  “Remember the name”, so you’ll just have to make do with this one and my undeniably reliable word. The boy got skills…Trust me.


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