The Alternative New Years Honours List

Another year in the rear view mirror and what have we learned? Not much. Football’s is brimming with deeply strange folk is about as enlightening as I can get. Here are the Tavern’s New Year’s Honours for hopefully your amusement.

As ever – do let us know if we missed anyone.

The Drowning Not Waving Award

Nominees: Paul The Octopus,  Roy Hodgson, Paul Gascoigne & Raul Moat

Winner: Roy Hodgson. The Peter Principle can be a cruel mistress. Liverpool fans now look back at Rafa Benitez’s infuriating squad rotation as a golden age. Roy looked like a friendly extra from a Werther’s Original adwhen he took the job. Now he looks like an undertaker with special needs.

In a recent poll asking Liverpool fans who they wanted as manager he gained fewer votes than The Chuckle Brothers.

Flopstar Of 2010

Nominees: Nick Clegg, Fernando Torres, Wayne Rooney

Winner: Wazza. Anus Horribilus. At least that was Jennifer Thompson’s nickname for him. Rooney had it all. A doting wife, a doting public. And like a man spending £200 on a packet of fags he p*ssed it all up the wall. He held MUFC hostage for a wage rise whilst boozing and eating fast food next to a swimming pool like some pasty lottery winner. Sorry, did I say ‘like’?

A rare beast In Premiership football, he has yet score in open play this season.

Best Premiership Newcomer

Nominees: Venky Chicken Organization, Ian Holloway, Balotelli

Winner: Ian Holloway. Looking at the nominees Ian Holloway could only been better value if he had blacked up and worn a chicken suit.

Village idiot or Messiah? Who knows or cares. What is certain is that Blackpool have (weather permitting) delivered some very memorable football this so far this season. Here is a team with no money, no facilities and on paper, no hope. But Holloway’s management has been inspirational.


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