Manchester United

The Real David Gill Letter …In Full

Andy Green is a  financial analyst and lifelong Manchester United fan. Recently, he has been helping BBC1’s Panorama research into the Glazer family’s financial position.

With the unsettling revelations now aired, Andy has sent an open letter to the club enquiring about whether the club’s resources will be siphoned off by the owners to pay for the personal debts revealed by Panorama’s investigation

Of course, David Gill, Manchester United’s chief executive, is certainly not going to reply with endearing honesty. However, we at the Tavern like to imagine that he would and it would almost certainly look like this…

“Dear Andy,

Let me level with you. I know it, you know, everyone knows it. We are truly f*****.

Sometime during 2005 Sir Alex and I were at a timeshare conference trying to get a villa in Tampa. After a couple of whiskey’s, we entered into a contract with a surly diminutive red-headed gentleman and, to cut a long story short, we obviously forgot to read the small print. A couple of million dollars and a few Jack Daniel laced tears later, that leprechaun became owner of the world’s richest club.

Now, I could’ve reported the guy to the authorities but, when I confronted him, he simply cackled and showed me some snaps of  John Terry’s wife  and I nestled on a beach in St Tropez. Of course, I wasn’t stupid enough to think a super injunction would work. And so, I was powerless. Besides, I was getting paid a healthy sum to appear to be on their side anyway.

Everyone at the club had hoped he had enough money to actually run it and that he wasn’t just bending us over to find out how loud we would scream. Yet, we didn’t bother researching his credentials or his financial situation. We thought it better and wiser to sit here in oblivious ignorance and write articles trying to come up with reasons to suggest that the new owners would have no effect on a previously debt-free club. After all, the guy is American, he has a beard, and he has six gormless clones. He has to be rich, right?

Your insightful programme has, however, proven this not to be the case. If only some sort of independent test or panel, overseen by a national football institution, had carried out some sort research into the owners, perhaps to determine whether the takeover was in the interest of the club and the fans,  may be this wouldn’t have happened.

Alas, unfortunately there is f*** all we can do about it now.

Yours,

David Gill”

http://twitter.com/kyl3jackson

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