Premier League

The Secret Life of Roman Pavlyuchenko

Tottenham Hotspur centre forward Roman Pavlyuchenko is by his own admission, not the sharpest tool in the box. ‘Pav’ even admitted as much in a recent interview with the Daily Mail, confessing:

‘I was useless at school…They just accepted that and left me alone. I just can’t learn anything. Studying was always hard for me. My wife was quite good at English, but me?

‘After a game against Slovan I had so much to drink I got lost. The other players had to come looking for me. Although the worst case was on the eve of my marriage. I drank so much I almost fell off my hotel balcony.’

Pavlyuchenko is quite candid about his lack of intelligence… in fact he’s almost too frank. If it all suddenly sounds a bit suspicious, a bit KGB Cold War-esque, then you’d be right. Whilst Pavlyuchenko has portrayed himself as the village idiot at White Hart Lane, he has been doubling up as a Russian politician back in his home town Stavropol.

Pavlyuchenko was elected as a deputy in the Duma, representing Russian Prime Minister

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Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. I think he'd win in a fight with Gordon Brown somehow.

Vladimir Putin’s United Russia party in 2008. Pavlyuchenko remains committed to his responsibilities in Russian politics, despite being based in England, confirming in 2008:

‘I’m not going to give up my seat.

‘Despite the need for me to be in Britain often, I’m not going to be absent from Stavropol for long.’

During the early stages of his career at White Hart Lane, you could have been forgiven for believing Pavlyuchenko was in fact simply impersonating a footballer whilst conducting a covert operation for the Russian secret police. Harry Redknapp certainly didn’t identify Roman as a footballer when he took over at Spurs, and was clearly been suspicious of the Ruski. I smell scandal to rival that of the Profumo affair, (only perhaps not as sexy). However, more recently, ‘Pav’ has been doing an excellent impression of a footballer, and has been banging in the goals for Tottenham, and so I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Well there you have it, not just a pretty face, Roman Pavlyuchenko is in fact also a Russian politician, and possibly a spy… We’re watching you Pavlar!

You can find me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/mark0turner

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