Fans across the country from Arsenal, Chelsea and Tottenham in the south, to Liverpool, Manchester City and Manchester United in the North are busying themselves with the answer to the big question. Which side is the ugliest? Which team has taken genetic facial ineptitude to such a degree that they make it into our top ten and are duly crowned the FootballTransferTavern.com ‘Ghoul’s of the Season?
10. West Ham United : A very disappointing performance from the hammers with only Kieran Dyer and manager Gianfranco Zola really making the effort to be even mildly offensive and lets face it, Dyer will be out most of the season injured and Zola is the manager, who are allowed by a special FA remit to be very ugly as part of their job description.
9. Aston Villa : Another disappointment for Martin O’Neill as his side trails in ninth. Assistant John Robertson however doesn’t let the side down and Gabriel Agbonlahor, as always, tries his best but O’Neill’s squad is packed with too many mildly offensive players to really make an impact on the top six.
8. Everton : Manager David Moyes may have the glassy eyed stare of a psychopath and he is supported ably by Marouane Fellaini, who’s hair almost made the list alone, and of course Phil Neville, who along with his brother, is an obligatory requirement on any such list of football’s fractured faces.
7. Arsenal : Arsene may look like he needs a good ironing and Nicklas Bendtner the Scandinavian equivalent of Lurch, but Arsenal fans can thank the emergence of the nasally challenged Vito Mannone into the side recently, otherwise they may have even been lower in the table.Not even the Elfin features of Andrei Arshavin have helped.
6. Chelsea : A huge surprise as the men from Stamford Bridge, touched by a little Italian craftsmanship, plummet out of the top five and into sixth. Not even the combination of frighteners such as Alex, Deco, Didier Drogba and Peter Cech can pull Chelsea into the top five.
5. Fulham : Just pipping Chelsea into fifth are Fulham. Roy Hodgson’s men have a fearsome back line. Would you fancy meeting Brede Hangeland or Paul Konchesky down a dark alley of an evening? Add to that Mini-Me Danny Murphy and the man who defines ugly for the Irish, Damien Duff (pictured), and you have a very strong showing.
4. Tottenham Hotspurs : Harry’s men push themselves into the Champions League places thanks to their managers jowels, Peter Crouch’s resembling the love child of Nosferatu the Vampite and a Giraffe, Gomes the keeper who is as inept facially as he is between the sticks and Gareth Bale (left), who is increasingly resembling Galon from Planet of the Apes.
3. Liverpool : Rafa’s men are forced to settle for third. Not even the addition of the Italian car crash Alberto Aquilani, or the emergence of Anfield’s very own “Mekon” Jay Spearing, to add to the likes of Martin Skrtel (pictured) and Dirk Kuyt can push the Reds into the top two places.
2. Manchester City : All that money invested in Craig Bellamy and Carlos Tevez and the two Quasimodo lookalikes propel the Sky Blues to their highest finish for many years. They follow the evil example of the brilliantly bald Blofeld (Stephen Ireland, pictured) in midfield. One to watch for the future, especially if their interest in Ronaldinho is re-ignited.
1. Manchester United : Once again, the champions prove their worth. From Shrek Rooney into attack to Scooby Rio in defence alongside Doctor Frankenstein himself Nemanja Vidic. We even have the presence of a Neville, Darren Fletcher seems to be maturing nicely into something quite frightening while new signing Gabriel Obertan (pictured) shows all the hallmarks of being a United legend in the footsteps of Luke Chadwick or Joe Jordan. Another outstanding performance by the Red Devils.
Are there any you feel we’ve missed from the list? If so let us know below… and sweet dreams!
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