Arsenal

WAGtales – The Wazza Loses His Fizz & Some Ladyboy Lovin’ Edition

Another week of drama and heart wrenching rubbish on the WAG front. Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney’s form on the pitch could most kindly be described as ‘going backwards.’ The hooker scandal rumbles on and Coleen so we are led to believe anyway, is exacting her revenge on a daily basis.

Word is that Wayne’s home life is now a series of mundane odd jobbing and house husbandry. Talk of fixing loose door handles, a ban on computer games and zero tolerance on even the thought of sliding off for ‘a few beers with the lads’ has been flowing freely from the Coleen camp.

Wazza’s back is cluttered with sharpened cutlery this week. If the chores don’t get him down the nasty nasty folk at Coca Cola will. When one of the biggest corporations on the face of the planet brands you, ‘disgusting’ you really are up against it.

Rooney used to have a lucrative deal with the fizzy pop manufacturer. Emphasis on used to. Rooney’s face was to be part of a campaign that would have put his face on an almost unmeasurable quantity of Coke Zero cans.

Coke were repulsed by his fall from grace and duly scrapped the whole deal.

The executives at head office in Atlanta wanted to drop him straight away. They were bewildered by the stories and found reports of his conduct disgusting.

“There have been other stories about him cavorting with ­prostitutes and he was even photographed urinating against a wall in the summer. This is not something the American executives in Atlanta found acceptable at all.

Coca-Cola is a family-friendly company and Wayne Rooney was brought on board to appeal to young people, ­specifically young men and teenage boys.”

Arsenal’s Carlos Vela, Celtic’s Efrain Juarez and Fulham’s Carlos Salcido have both been banned from playing for Mexico for the next six months.

The woman in question is a curious WAG. Curious is one way of describing here I guess. Yamille Herrera actually used to be a man.

Yamille told how they kissed passionately before the World Cup footballer submitted to being pleasured in a hotel bathroom.

The transvestite confessed to Salcido: “I’m not a girl.”

Yamille said, “He was very shocked. Imagine! He was very surprised, asking, ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’”

Salcido has  vowed to sue the transvestite – a Fulham spokesman confirmed the player insists the claims are a pack of lies. The defender himself said: “This situation has already passed into the hands of the lawyer. We’ll see what happens.”

Indeed we will.

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