Following allegations that Wayne Rooney cheated on his wife Coleen whilst she was pregnant, the Manchester United Striker has issued a public apology. After some intense investigative journalism I have managed to locate I reliable source who agreed to share the apology with me. Here it is…
A wanna say soz to me bird Coleen. A never meant to hurt yuz. A promise a won’t never do da again. A know a said da last time buh a really won’t. Am so sorry, I don’t wanna lose yuz. A hope you’ll gimmy another chance ‘cause a don’t wanna end up like Bob Marley. No woman, no Kai.
She meant nottin to me. A didn’t even wanna be with her. She just wouldn’t take no for an answer, probably ‘cause a said yeah, buh she meant nottin a swear. It’s all her fault, dat no mark. If she hadn’t a been a prozzy a wouldn’t have got any anyway an a wouldn’t be in your bad books.
Coleen I love yuz, an are Kai, gimmy another chance. A promise a won’t never do da again. A know a said da last time but a really won’t.
A also wanna ‘pologise to the England fans. A no a played bad at the World Cup but dat’s only ‘cause a was scared me bird was gonna find out ‘bout me ‘avin an affair so it wasn’t really my fault when yuz think about it. Me teammates didn’t help us either. Bunch a no marks. It was all da Jimmy Larny’s fault anyways. No one could control da ball of his. Diego Forlan did alright with it buh he was crap at United so it proves me point don’t it?
Finally a wanna ‘pologise to me bird Coleen. A wanna say soz for cheatin on yuz with da old granny. A never did anytin with her buh a wanna ‘pologise anyway. A never did owt with her but she was a mate of me mam’s an she said she’d do us mates rates. A never did anytin though. Soz.
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