There is a point during your long term support of your team that you realize what you’ve become.
– You always hope the blue guy/girl wins on Gladiators.
– You won’t drink Carlsberg or red wine.
– You have a constant feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach until the 40-point mark is reached.
– The second game of the season is a “six pointer” after a usually terrible first game.
– You’ve never made it to a european away ground because of the huge bender the day before.
– You buy the new kit EVERY season without fail, although there is usually very little difference.
– You automatically think that Carousel is a s*** piece of work merely because of the song You’ll Never Walk Alone.
– You bathe in turpentine after accidentally brushing a Liverpool jersey in the JJB Sports.
– You buy the DVD the day after you’ve beaten Liverpool.
– Everyone who graduates from the academy and scores a senior goal is “better than/the next Wayne Rooney” (delete as appropriate).
– Even the most fair decision in the other team’s favour results in a shout of “f*** off ref!”
– Nothing that happens in a reserve / ladies / youth game matters, only the first team results count for anything.
– You prepare for a party when a star name is linked to Everton.
– You were always the Blue Power Ranger in school.
– You think that Queen Elizabeth II is an Evertonian because she has “blue blood”.
– You only watch Match of the Day if they win or get a “good draw”.
– Your mood for the week after a match is dictated by the result.
– If bottom, you stand on your head so Everton are top of the table.
– Jimmy Tarbuck is a terrible comedian, but Leonard Rossiter is a genius.
– David Moyes “has to go” after every defeat.
– You fantasise about having a slim Graeme Sharp in his prime and a resurrected zombie-robot version of Dixie Dean upfront.