Chelsea

4 Tales Of Everyday Football Craziness

Football eh? It’s a funny old game…….no, it’s not funny.

Most of the time it’s just depressing. In fact, if your team is outside the Premiership, hasn’t won a trophy since never and you sit at the end of the ground without the roof on it, it’s not a ‘funny old game.’

But just occasionally, a story comes along that is so astoundingly ridiculous that you just can’t help but laugh! If somebody get’s hurt, all the better! So, for all you depressed, miserable and lonely football fans out there, here’s 4 stories about off-field craziness to brighten your day!

Ashley Cole We all love Ashley Cole don’t we? ‘What will he get up to next,’ I’ve often tutted to myself. First he nearly crashes his car (because he was told he’d only be getting 60k a week at Arsenal…yeah, that would send me over the edge too mate), then he cheats on the hottest woman in the country (with a hairdresser who he puked up on and then didn’t brush his teeth) and now we hear that whilst he was playing with an airgun at Chelsea’s training ground he accidentally shot a work-experience lad.

Anyone else, this would be tragic. But with Ashley, it’s just plain hilarious! Now the police are apparently investigating the incident! Oh Ashley! What are you like??

Paul Gascoigne – Blimey. Pick one! Everyone has their favourite Gazza story! Like the time he drove around Middlesbrough with a microphone attached to his car shouting ‘Vote ****** Labour!’

Or how about the time he leant out of a window at Everton’s changing ground in front of Sky Sports cameras and jokingly pleaded with Abel Xavier not to leave the club? Or what about the time he met Fiat and Juventus owner Gianni Agnelli at Italia 90 and started slapping him on the head Benny Hill style?

Or how about on the day of the England-Germany semi-final, when he got up at 3 o’clock in the morning and had a game of tennis against 2 drunken Americans? Or how about when he tried to cut off his own foot because of his OCD? Actually,  no that last one is just tragic..

Craig Bellamy – Most footballers like a quick round on the fariway, but Bellamy likes to take it just a little bit further. A few years ago, he attacked then Liverpool team-mate John Arne Riise with a golf club after the pair had been on a night out on the Algarve.

Apparently, Bellamy was taking part in a karaoke competition and Riise had refused to sing. If you ask me, Bellamy didn’t take things far enough! When my mates refuse to sing at karaoke, I generally make them get up and sing and fire nails at them from a nail gun whilst they do it.

Riise was alright in the end and only suffered minor bruising to his leg. The whole thing was turned into an amusing anecdote by the Welsh striker, and he even incorportated the incident into a goal celebration. And no, you can’t re-enact it on Fifa 11….

Robbie Savage – At every club he’s been at Savage has courted controversy. But none more so than at Leicester where he was once famously fined 2 weeks wages for entering the referee’s room and using the toilet for a number 2.

The referee was Graham Poll (some might say that Savage’s ‘little present’ was an accurate representation of the ref) and he was not best pleased. Especially as he was sat in the room at the time. But when you’ve gotta go….you use your own toilet Savage you prat!!

I hope this has brought a smile to your face. Sometimes, especially off the pitch, football really is a ‘funny old game’.

Don’t be a dingbat like these four! Follow me on Twitter @petermagpie




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