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David Sullivan Is NOT The Laughing Stock Of Football

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse for Chelsea’s number 9…

David Sullivan just cannot get enough of the media spotlight, and today has reared his not so inconsiderable sized head once more in declaring his club attempted to sign £50 million Chelsea car crash Fernando Torres last January.

The Daily Mail reports that Sullivan had cheekily/stupidly enquired about the Spaniards availability, after the players’ embarrassing season in which he has netted just once more than Everton goalkeeper Tim Howard.

The thinking was that Torres could perhaps regain some form on a months loan with the Irons, and help cement their place at the summit of the Championship at the same time. However, Chelsea rebuffed the approach, stating their intent to persevere in embarrassing the club and the player further as the season progresses.

Responding to political journalist Iain Dale on his blog ‘West Ham Till I Die,’ Hammers co-owner David Sullivan said: “We tried to get Torres from Chelsea. If he couldn’t score in the Premier League, he could come along with us for a month. We might fire him up!” The response was blunt, but did not close the door completely on the ludicrous deal, with Sullivan stating: “they just said ‘not at this moment in time.’”

Sullivan’s no stranger to moronic revelations, having also declared on numerous occasions that his club tried to sign Manchester City outcast Carlos Tevez: “Three times we asked, three times they said no.”

Having spouted off about the clubs chances of getting David Beckham last season, the former Birmingham owner and porn industry tycoon succeeded in bringing Avram Grant and Frederic Piquionne to the club. So, with the latest bid to lure a world superstar to East London having fallen by the wayside, who could be next on Sullivan’s list?

Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Zlat came out this week to condemn Arsenal, saying he would only stay at teams who are winning. If the Hammers were to top England’s second tier, perhaps Sullivan should give the Swede a cheeky call in an attempt to bring him to England for the first time in his career.


Kaka’s form for Real Madrid has been patchy since his £55 million transfer. However, the Brazilian is sure to relish the chance to rebuild his career under the stewardship of Sullivan should the opportunity arise.

David Villa

Rumours have surfaced that Villa could be the latest big money striker to be axed by Pep Guardiola. Perhaps the lure of potential Premier League football and the chance to link up with Carlton Cole could sway the Spaniard into opting for a move which international team mate Torres was just to darn scared to take.

Jose Mourinho

Though any move for the Madrid maestro would leave Sam Allardyce looking even more like a Bulldog chewing a wasp, Mourinho has stated his intent to move back to England and would surely love to work with the ambitious Hammers. He would however be required to put up with even more interfering and unnecessary distractions from pompous and self-righteous owners.

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Article title: David Sullivan Is NOT The Laughing Stock Of Football

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