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Footballers Are Rock Stars. Probably.

Might as well get this out of the way now. I hate U2. For me, they belong with the Police, Pink Floyd, Deep Purble, Jethro Tull and Free as music you’re dad listens to and only becuase they’re on that compilation you got for him on Father’s Day.

You know the one. ‘Music To Drive To’ or something similar. I hate these as well because the average person on their way to work in this country isn’t cruising down Route 501, but stuck in traffic just north of the M6. They’re not likely to be ‘gunning it’ to Bruce Springsteen’s Born To Run are they? But I digress….

I understand why people like U2, and their sunglasses wearing front man Bono. Their music is bearable, when you compare it to something by the Pussy Cat Dolls or N-Dubz. And Bono often makes a good point about the environment or poverty. Shame he can’t back up those points with his behaviour. After complaining for years about damage to the Ozone layer, Bono had his personal jet fly to Italy whilst he was on tour….to drop off his favourite hat. You get where I’m coming from, the man is a walking tripe dispenser.

His latest corker is to describe himself, and the rest of U2, as members of the Argentine National Football Team. Currently on tour in South America, Bono took time out during his show to introduce the members of his band. Not content with likening opening act Muse to The Jimi Hendrix Experience (don’t get me started…words like ‘league,’ ‘not in’ and ‘same’ spring to mind!) he then introduced each band member by comparing them to members of the national side. Here’s a breakdown of U2’s ‘dream team’ –

Larry Mullen Jr (drummer) – AKA Lionel Messi. Bono told fans Mullen had, ‘the feet of a ballet dancer’ and was ‘a truly great dribbler.’ Sure, but lets see Mullen score take Arsenal apart piece by piece at the Nou Camp.

Adam Clayton (bass) – AKA Gonzalo Higuain. Apparently Clayton ‘likes to score three at a time’ and is ‘handsome and suave.’ Must be a hit with the ladies then. I think I know who I’d rather have playing up-front though.

The Edge (lead guitar) – AKA Javier Zanetti. I used to think Bono thought he was God, but apparently he thinks The Edge is. he called him ‘ominpresent he’s everywhere at the same time, always in the right place.’ 37 year old Zanetti is the closest thing to God in Argentina I suppose. After Diego Maradonna.

And who does Bono think he closely resembles? Only Carlos Tevez. ‘I’m not sure I could fill this man’s shoes. But if I could fill his shoes, I would be him.’ Roberto Mancini is set to make a £30 million bid tomorrow morning.

Oh dear Bono. Oh dear. The full video can be found here. If you like U2, they go on to perform ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.’ Just to be extra pretentious, he introduces everyone with their Spanish ‘nicknames’.

To any fans of U2, I apologise. Maybe if they stuck to the music and stopped spouting such guff I’d respect them more. Oh, and for the record? My ultimate band line-up….Didier Drogba on vocals, Steven Gerrard on the bass, Fabregas on the drums and Gareth Bale shredding it on lead guitar.

Follow Peter Turner on Twitter @petermagpie

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Article title: Footballers Are Rock Stars. Probably.

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