Manchester City

Rooney Has The Self Control Of An Epileptic

Swimming through the oceans of column inches on the Bolshie baldy orange one this week has been a surreal experience.

A premiership season that appeared to be offering very little fibre to it’s fabric suddenly came alight with the the veritable hysterics that accompanied the whole ‘Injurygate’  nonsense. The press branded what looked pretty innocuous as a feud, a catalyst for catastrophe.

Remarkably they got it right. Sure, like the lottery winner who proudly announces, ‘I had a system’ after years of no wins, the press cooed that they said Wazza was off and he was! But come on. Let’s look at this sensibly. We’re intelligent people. We’re not just over hungry ducks chomping at any old bits of bread. Are we?

Rooney is a weakling. Fragile, exposed, vulnerable. £800,000 allegedly owed to bookies who extend such credit at one point in his MUFC existence. Is this true? Curious bloody rumour if it isn’t. Less curious when Sir Alex makes a point of saying that he, ‘was prepared to offer financial advice’ to the player.

When do people need financial advice? I don’t chuffing know, but my guess is that 5% need it when they are retired, comfortably well off, weighing up what they need to discreetly plot away from the tax man and the other 95% are up to their knickers in store card/loan shark/HP/Court fine debt and need a lifeline of sanity.

And then we are told by the player that Manchester United are unable to deliver the dreams, expectations and desires of the Croxteh Curser. Yeah right. How about this Waz, how about you start doing what you’re employed to do and start scoring some goals, opposed to scoring hookers? A few decent shifts and maybe Man Utd would be a force again.

Let me tell you the truth. Wayne is a weather-vane. You blow him one way, you blow him another, he dutifully points. Just ask Jennifer Thompson. And all jokes to one side, let’s ask her. Ah, but like any brass worth her dough, one doesn’t have to. She told the press that Wayne was respectful hinting at naivety. Her take was that there was a huge whack of peer pressure going on from a number of his team mates who routinely get their jollies with hookers.

My take is that with his personal life having turned into a daily emotional thrashing at the hands of Coleen and their extended families and his form on the pitch halfway down the toilet, he’s decided someone’s going to foot the bill. He’s going to lash out and pin the blame on someone, anyone but himself.

A man – I mean a real man, would look deep within himself and try to address what went so damn wrong and what steps he need take to address them.

But Wazza is a child so what we end up with is a child who seeks to earn more than the British Prime Minister by claiming that his CV has hit an impasse.

Manchester City can afford him, but what would motivate them to pay maximum whack for a player no one else can remotely afford? Tottenham would take him in a heartbeat, but there would be no way in the world of pretending his salary demands were remotely matched. Chelsea could theoretically do it, but why would they need to bust the bank for a striker that can’t score when they already have two on their books who can.

I hope Rooney gets his comeuppance.


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