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WAGB*tch!

The WAGS beat even John Terry to the punch when it came to rebelling. Glen Johnson’s wife, Laura and Emile Heskey’s other half Chantelle Tagoe are both in South Africa.

South African cosmetics giant Optiphi have however named four WAGS will attend its promotional cocktail party in Pretoria on Friday grabbing the £9000 party bag in the process.

The company will give each WAG a £9,000 goody bag containing  jewellery, dresses, shoes, beauty products and holidays.

Michael Carrick’s wife Lisa, and Matthew Upson’s girlfriend Ellie Darby, are expected to make up this taxing four ball.

And Nicola T has taken time out from hawking dreadful clothes with the dreadful Vinnie Jones to explore the sex lives of ordinary women during the World Cup. Over 11 MILLION wanna be WAGs will be without any nookie for up to 4 weeks as their blokes get obsessed with the footie instead.

Toni Terry has been at the coal face. Being chosen to ride dressage for England. “I am thrilled to be chosen to ride for England. John is of course extremely proud of me too…all the hard work has paid off.” gushed Toni.

Chanelle Hayes is 7 months up the duff and must have most mortal women laughing up their sleeve with this insightful thought, “I’ve gone from a size 6/8 to a 10, and my bum is huge – it’s like I’m pregnant in my bum! I’ve got cellulite on my thighs and stretch marks on my boobs, but I’ve just got to remember it’s all in a good cause.” Bless.

Coleen Rooney is the latest WAG to want to distance herself from the WAG tag  “She’s been offered contracts worth millions in the past year, but has turned them down to give 100 per cent commitment to Kai. No one knows when, or even if, she’ll go back to work properly.”


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