Chelsea

Would A Move Back To The Premier League Cheer Poor Ronaldo Up?

This weekend Ronaldo whipped up a storm after his Madrid team brushed aside Granada 3-0 with the Portuguese man scoring twice.

There is nothing out of the ordinary for the man some argue is a player as great as Pele, Maradonna and Eusebio scoring and his team winning but the complete lack of celebration gave the Spanish media something to dwell on. “Why didn’t you celebrate?” They asked Ronaldo who simply answered “Maybe I am a bit sad” and when pushed to say whether it was “Personal or professional?” He answered “Professional”.

In the past Ronaldo has shown thick skin when dealing with people throwing insults his way; In La Liga when an opposing crowd chants Messi’s name he usually ends up scoring and a year a go this month Ronaldo claimed “fans whistle me because I’m good looking, rich and a great player”. So why on earth he is throwing his proverbial toys out of his pram now?

The answer could lie in a combination of factors; the first is shown by the table at the bottom of a story on the Daily Mail website that shows the top ten highest paid players in the world. The story itself claims that now Ronaldo is apparently unsettled all the big clubs are interested in him, namely both Manchester clubs,PSG and Chelsea.

The table at the bottom of the page shows Ronaldo is 10th in the world when it comes to his pay packet. This must be very hard for him as he is usually in the top three awards for player of the season, golden boot or biggest ego. Not only that but Alvaro Arbeloa, Raul Albiol, Angel Di Maria and Jose Mourinho have all signed contract extension in the past three months and negotiations with Sergio Ramos, Gonzalo Higuain and the human destroyer that is Pepe have all begun.

It seems that one of the most prolific goal scorers in La Liga history feels unloved. Or at least that’s what him and his agent want the world to think.

In the past certain high profile players have used a lack of ‘love’ or lack of ‘carinho’ – Portuguese for affection or fondness – as a reason to feel unsettled and the only thing needed to make them happy again happens to be the same as South Park’s cure for Aids in the episode ‘Tonsil Trouble’, a concentrated dose of about $180,000 shot directly into the bloodstream. I doubt Ronaldo will need that exact amount but you get my drift.

Basically Ronaldo is having a jolly good sulk at not being paid enough money which is an extraordinarily selfish and pathetic thing to do. The man earns 10 million euro’s a year and wants more. What has our civilisation come to?

The likeliness of Ronaldo leaving Madrid is small as United can’t afford him, he would probably have to hire a whole new sector of security designated to stop lynching if he joined City and if Chelsea want to pass the Financial fair play laws then they’d need to sell most of there team to finance a deal for the man that scores on average every 79 minutes in La Liga. PSG however have played there cards very cleverly by stating that they don’t need Ronaldo as they have the best striker in the world in Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

This stokes the fire underneath another of football’s biggest ego’s to carry on his great start to life in Paris and distances themselves from an unwanted press circus inevitably surrounding any transfer involving Cristiano Ronaldo thus killing two birds with one stone.

Ronaldo has already had a meeting with Real President Florentino Perez and I imagine it won’t be too long until we see his disgustingly sparkling white smile as he signs on the dotted line for an annual wage that could help feed and cloth an entire continent for a decade. To sum up how sure I am about Ronaldo’s state of mind I will borrow a phrase Eric Cartman used in the episode I previously mentioned; “I’m not just sure about Ronaldo’s self centred sense of worth, I’m HIV positive”.

If you are reading this and worrying about the state of our collective subconscious then watch this video of George Osbourne getting booed at the Paralympics, you will feel better.

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