Thankfully, the days of demonic possession of football players has largely passed us by. Admittedly there is still the occasional occurrence, usually when some passing malevolent spirit wants to make a professional footballer look like a complete berk as in the video below, but full scale, exorcist style, head spinning, projectile vomiting possession is rare these days. This is thanks to a little known move in the late 1970’s by professional clubs and the clergy who discovered that most of the evil in the world stemmed from Liverpool and Newcastle midfielder Terry McDermott’s dodgy perm and ‘tache combo
However startling new evidence has come to light of people in the spirit world focusing now on players off the field of play and this shocking footage, of Spurs stars Peter Crouch and Jonathan Woodgate, clearly shows the horrific stresses and strains that a spectral intrusion can cause. Poor Mr Crouch has obviously been forced to wet himself by this mischievious spirit and to make matters worse, he and his teammate have been forced into performing some kind of horrific, satanic dance that will surely invoke the wrath of leading religious thinkers and FIFA.
The shocking truth is clearly visible. While Crouch’s tantric dance of death has caused little more than short-term incontinence, the effect on Jonathan Woodgate has been stark. Indeed his eyes emit an eerie glow as he performs his boogie for the black arts and witnesses of the deviant event said that he had not seen such a stupefyingly terrified expression on a footballer since the day Alan Shearer heard Carlton Palmer had been called into the England squad.
Spurs boss Harry Redknapp has already lost midfielder David Bentley, who has seemingly been sucked by the spirit world into a previously unknown realm (the lucky boy), and now it seems with two more stars on their way, something sinister is afoot at White Hart Lane. Harry, whose recent facelift failed after the scaffolding collapsed, has called in some of the most learned folk in the world of religious and spiritual thinking as the Dalai Lama, the god Ganesh and Derek Acorah were seen walking on the pitch, speaking in tongues and trying to lift the curse that has bedevilled the club since they sacked Glenn Hoddle and Eileen Drewery from the payroll. Only time will tell if it has had an effect, but as our startling picture shows, there’s something weird afoot at the Lane and I don’t just mean Luka Modric’s face.
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