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England Fan X Factor

Sorry, No Sweaties!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. To quote the bard, ‘Summer’s here and the time is right for dancing in the street, down to Poundworld* (*There are other cheapo retailers out there) and investing in a fiver’s worth of top end tat with which to deck out your car, you house and even your Uncle Knobhead who’s passed out after two brown ales too many.

Wayne Rooney will be watching his temper, Joe Cole will be checking his Bwackbewwy to see if his agent has rung, Lennon will be frantically looking for an adapter for his clippers and Stevie G will be adjusting his armband.

But here at the Tavern, we want to know about you! Face paints? Wigs? Show us what you’re doing!

What we are looking for are your photos – perhaps even YouTube video of your efforts for England. So send us a snap of your majestic residence, a symphony of St George’s flags, bunting and beer cans. Show us your pants. We won’t descriminate, now matter how appalling your contribution.

Perhaps you’re rocking some ink? Is Terry Butcher still dripping claret down your calf? Have you got Alan Shearer ironically over your elbow? Or perhaps something discreet, but still butch – like a bulldog on your bum? Every damn phone this side of the last war (Germany 1- England 5) has a camera on it so there are no excuses.

There will be a  magnificent prize and of course a Winners Gallery displayed on this multi million hitting website plus be blasted across the Twittersphere at a speed faster than light itself.

MAIL YOUR ENTRIES TO escapini@footballtransfertavern.com

Check out this amazing last 8 sweepstake!

Well now, when it comes to football, one man has for many years been the most noticeable, the most controversial, and occasionally the most successful blogger this country has ever produced. His pithy words and abrasive style make him as famous off the pitch as he is on it. This man is Escapini. "I love football. Football she's a cruel mistress. She's, she's more than a mistress. She's a wife, she's a mother, she's a daughter, she's an errant child. She's a… she's a… she can make you laugh, she make you cry. She can bring tears me eyes. She can bring blood to me shoulders. She can bring a kettle to the boil." "Cause football is about nothing, unless it's about something and what it is about, is football."

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