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WAGtales – Wazza Copping A Feel, Crouchy Needing A Meal Edition

Peter Crouch was the man who famously quipped that had he not become a professional footballer he would have been a virgin. So Abby, what first attracted you to the multimillionaire centre forward? Here’s a snap of them on holiday in Dubai.

“They have worked through it,” said a source close to the couple,“You do wonder how Peter’s managed to pull it off – but Abbey has decided to give him one more chance.” Please, I do the cheap jokes.

Speaking of cheap, I do hope Peter’s managed to get those party shorts of his laundered since he was last spotted in them trying to light a cigarette with a bimbo…

And here’s old Wazz doing what he does best these days. Of course it isn’t a shot of him scoring, ho ho naffin’ ho. Word is that Coleen is seeing somebody while Wayne’s away. Not a gigolo, rather a relationship counsellor. Good luck kids.

Well now, when it comes to football, one man has for many years been the most noticeable, the most controversial, and occasionally the most successful blogger this country has ever produced. His pithy words and abrasive style make him as famous off the pitch as he is on it. This man is Escapini. "I love football. Football she's a cruel mistress. She's, she's more than a mistress. She's a wife, she's a mother, she's a daughter, she's an errant child. She's a… she's a… she can make you laugh, she make you cry. She can bring tears me eyes. She can bring blood to me shoulders. She can bring a kettle to the boil." "Cause football is about nothing, unless it's about something and what it is about, is football."

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