Well now, when it comes to football, one man has for many years been the most noticeable, the most controversial, and occasionally the most successful blogger this country has ever produced. His pithy words and abrasive style make him as famous off the pitch as he is on it. This man is Escapini. "I love football. Football she's a cruel mistress. She's, she's more than a mistress. She's a wife, she's a mother, she's a daughter, she's an errant child. She's a… she's a… she can make you laugh, she make you cry. She can bring tears me eyes. She can bring blood to me shoulders. She can bring a kettle to the boil." "Cause football is about nothing, unless it's about something and what it is about, is football."

1 min readPublished 9 Feb 2011, 13:38

Manchester United Football Club

Gary Neville’s Moustache Strategy

GARY Neville has announced his retirement from football to focus on growing a moustache… according to The Daily Mash.

The Manchester United defender and reigning ‘Mancunianest Man Alive’ made the announcement outside Old Trafford while rubbing a mixture of goose fat and Deep Heat into his upper lip.

Neville said: “I’ve won everything it’s possible to win in football except for a single tournament with England or the affection of anybody who doesn’t support United but I won’t feel complete until none of my filtrum skin is visible.

“As a boy growing up I’d see the luxuriant lip furniture of players like Ian Rush and Graeme Souness.”

Footballologist Wayne Hayes said: “This is an almost spiritual quest for Gary, rather like Jesus’ 40 days in the wilderness. The difference being, of course, that Jesus has never walked around the Arndale Centre thinking he’s Gary Neville.”