Monday morning rolls along and we all head to work in the Christmas week a little wiser. Apart from Mark Hughes that is who is now busily slashing Roberto Mancini’s tyres. Sir Alex Ferguson and his Manchester United team have been in for extra training on how to deal with truly world class strikers like David Ngog and Bobby Zamora, while Carlo Ancelotti has been hastily writing a Christmas card and thank you letter for the gift handed to his Chelsea side at Upton Park by referee Mike Dean. Then of course, it’s still pantomime season at Anfield with the evil step sisters George and Tom not giving CindeRafa enough cash to buy anyone who can kick or head a ball. So with that little lot in mind, here’s five things that we’ve learned from the weekend;
1. Linvoy Primus shouldn’t let his daughter dress him before he appears on television. Honestly Linvoy, it may be cute and appeal to the “aahh” factor, but you did look like a bit of a plonker with your bright yellow tie ending just before your stomach. Shame as I thought he was a good pundit. Still, it wasn’t the most comical thing on show, not when you have Liverpool’s defending to amuse yourself with. It was so funny that Avram Grant almost managed to crank his saggy, doleful visage into a smile in the post match interview. More wonderful comedy was to come though with Rafa’s post match interview in which he called the referee ‘perfect’. The Spaniard obviously looked up ‘sarcasm’ in his Encyclopaedia of Lame Excuses. Perhaps he should also look up ‘player indiscipline’, ‘organisation’ and ‘stop talking through your a-hole and making lame excuses’ too.
2. Bobby Zamora is the best striker in the entire world, ever. He makes Pele look like Franny Jeffers! Aren’t you as bored of this yet as I am? Ok, so Zamora has had a few good games. So he tormented a Manchester United central defence which did consist of that world renown central defensive duo of Michael Carrick and Darren Fletcher. I bet Fabio Cannavaro is having sleepless nights. Take nothing away from Fulham, they were good value for the win, but to claim Zamora as the next Gary Lineker because of his improved form in the past few games, does somewhat beggar belief. If Bobby Zamora’s Pele, then Chris Iwelumo is Diego Maradona.
3. Harry Redknapp’s next signing really needs to be an accountant. No honestly, its getting beyond a joke now. He’s been the subject of more tax investigations than Ken Dodd and Lester Piggott put together. I am half expecting him to appear as the new Arthur Daley in a new series of Minder. Personally, I think he is the evil victim of a Southampton fan with a vendetta, who keeps reporting him to Inland Revenue for dodgy dealings while he was at Portsmouth, because as we know, Harry’s deals are always 150% honest and entirely above board. (Hope that’s ok Harry, thanks for the large bundle of cash in the brown envelope!)
4. The next two transfer windows are going to be nightmarish for any club without at least £80m in the bank to spend. Look at the facts. Chelsea gearing up to make moves for several players, Manchester United in obvious difficulty and needing to inject fresh faces into their flagging campaign, Real Madrid still reportedly a Galactico or two short of a madhouse, Barcelona wanting to spend £40m on Fabregas and £30m on Mascherano, Arsenal wanting a striker, Liverpool needing a miracle and then to cap it all, Manchester City sack Mark Hughes and all his backroom staff, appoint Roberto Mancini on a three and a half year deal and tell the Italian, “Oh Go on then, spend what you like to make the team a top four club and winning trophies.” I cannot imagine just how much the likes of Frank Ribery, Edin Dzeko or Sergio Aguero will cost now in this artificially inflated market. And as for Bobby Zamora, well he’s probably worth about three times the amount of the United States national debt. Even Abramovic couldn’t afford him.
5. I think I’ve fallen in love with Gianfranco Zola. I cannot find anything to dislike about the man. He looks like a Planet of the Apes reject, he played for Chelsea and idolised Diego Maradona and then on top of all that, he’s Italian! There’s plenty of ammunition there isn’t there? But no matter, I cannot help but like the guy and the way he wants to play the game and his reactions to victory and defeat. It seems almost everyone in football feels the same. Even when his West Ham side had been robbed by referee Mike Dean awarding Chelsea the biggest Christmas gift since the three wise men thought that Mary, Joseph and her newborn might like some Gold, a bit of smelly perfume and the Bethlehem equivalent of K.Y Jelly (personally I’d have thought if they were truly wise, then they’d have gone for a supersized pack of Pampers, a big tub of Sudocrem and half a hundredweight of nipple pads). No matter for Gianfranco, in his post match interview following the draw he was as happy and chirpy as ever. I really hope he can steer West Ham out of trouble and if they play like they did against Chelsea for the rest of the season, they will be quite safe come the end of the season. Provided they don’t get Mike Dean refereeing too many more of their games.
What five things did you learn from the weekend? Let us know below!
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