Who’s Coming To Eastlands, Then? Asks George Caveney

The Pompey shop is open – who’s coming to Eastlands, then?

Here’s a spot of unashamed wild speculation for you, based on nothing but a random hunch. Portsmouth, as we all know, have been granted permission to sell players. So I’ve been perusing the squad list, looking for difficult personalities, career ship-jumpers and injury-prone money-grabbers we could somehow justify spending ridiculous money on.

To be honest, I couldn’t find many fitting these descriptions. But I did spot two who might be worth a squirt. Tommy Smith and Ricardo Rocha (aka Ricardo Sérgio Rocha Azevedo – worth it for the name alone).

Tommy Smith hasn’t shone much with Pompey, but had a fantastic season for Watford in 2008-09, scoring 17 goals for them and being instrumental in many more. I dare say other Premiership teams will show an interest, and maybe his style of play is better suited to the likes of Stoke, Blackburn or Bolton, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he came to Eastlands and earned a lot of money doing not a lot. Unless SWP exits to play for Ian Wright’s hard-done-by XI, in which case Tommy Smith could be very welcome. I’d prefer it if SWP told his dense daddy to belt up and concentrate on his faintly ridiculous TV career, but that’s just me. Tommy Smith – sounds like the kind of footballer who works a factory job and might smoke a pipe…

Ricardo Rocha is an interesting prospect, too. He hasn’t shone much in his English career, but was pretty consistent, even if a part-time bench warmer at Benfica. Perhaps his style is better suited to a nerve-wracking flair team like City. He likes being sent off, too. So as Bellamy’s letting us down in the red card department – and Vieira hasn’t been on the pitch enough to get himself thrown straight off it again – perhaps he’s our man.

Here’s the thing. Portsmouth aren’t in the position they’re in because the players are rubbish. They’re just lost in the circus, and it’s hard to shine when everything around you is already on the floor and bleeding from the ears, but still getting a good shoeing from on high. Sad but true. It does mean, however, there are some pretty shrewd purchases available on the South coast.

Regardless of this, as I don’t know what on earth I’m talking about, I’d like ask City to do one sensible thing at least: Please, spend wisely, not big. Big name signings are just daft. Like buying a Veyron if you live in Newport. Oh, and let the existing squad members get to know each other’s game. That’s the next, very important step.

Tommy ‘Tommo’ Smith the pipe smoker and Ricardo Sérgio Rocha Azevedo the cavalier central defender – both from the Pompey car boot sale. Over to you…