Well now, when it comes to football, one man has for many years been the most noticeable, the most controversial, and occasionally the most successful blogger this country has ever produced. His pithy words and abrasive style make him as famous off the pitch as he is on it. This man is Escapini. "I love football. Football she's a cruel mistress. She's, she's more than a mistress. She's a wife, she's a mother, she's a daughter, she's an errant child. She's a… she's a… she can make you laugh, she make you cry. She can bring tears me eyes. She can bring blood to me shoulders. She can bring a kettle to the boil." "Cause football is about nothing, unless it's about something and what it is about, is football."

1 min readPublished 19 Apr 2011, 10:16

Premier League

5 Reasons To Fear Jens Lehmann

Arsenal travel to White Hart Lane tomorrow evening and among their number is a man known simply as ‘Mad Jens’.

His last game for Arsenal was on May 4th, 2008. He retired from football sometime after but now claims that this was merely a cover story. ‘I am not able to discuss my work during my retirement. But I can tell you that without the Loyalist Wolfstein Guard this place you casually call Europe would have been beset by a plague of bears.’

Jens Lehmann celebrated his 52nd birthday yesterday in a private celebration at the Bishopsgate branch of Kentucky Fried Chicken with a small group of close friends including TV chef Ainsley Harriot and astrologer Russel Grant.

He’s A Tantric Sex Guru