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Rodwell’s Mellissa…

A United player within 24 hours?

As Jack Rodwell fever reaches palpable levels of hysteria on Merseyside, let’s take this opportunity to see if the man himself lives up to his name and take a little look a who he’s roddy well been rodding well lately (I know where my coat is thanks)

According to some trashy unverifiable internet sources, his current – or former – squeeze may (or may not) be former Hollyoaks babe Melissa Reeves. Who she is and who she might possibly have played in Hollyoaks is a mystery to even me, but after some thorough investigative journalism I can conclusively verify that she’s a model of some sort and that she might apparently have had some minor walk on part in the soap a few months ago. So far, so ground breakingly thorough and investigative I’m sure you’ll agree.

According to that righteous bastion of civilized society – the Daily Star – Melissa and Jack hit a rocky patch last year when the Everton star became angry after some saucy snaps of her “sizzling” (the Daily Star’s words, not mine) in a racy outfit appeared on the front page of, yep you guessed it, the Daily Star. According to some sources (the Daily Star) the pair consequently broke up, but may have gotten back together again depending on what sources you consider reliable and how much you actually care.

Now just turned 18 (which begs some rather awkward questions about the Daily Star’s vetting policy for cover girls), her greatest achievement to date came in May last year when she was crowed Miss Teen World International UK, a title so bafflingly contradictory I’ve had to open another bottle of scotch just to get my head round it.

Well now, when it comes to football, one man has for many years been the most noticeable, the most controversial, and occasionally the most successful blogger this country has ever produced. His pithy words and abrasive style make him as famous off the pitch as he is on it. This man is Escapini. "I love football. Football she's a cruel mistress. She's, she's more than a mistress. She's a wife, she's a mother, she's a daughter, she's an errant child. She's a… she's a… she can make you laugh, she make you cry. She can bring tears me eyes. She can bring blood to me shoulders. She can bring a kettle to the boil." "Cause football is about nothing, unless it's about something and what it is about, is football."

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